Ok i'm a long time lurker on this site and to be honest i dont know why. I'm not married or engaged or even near getting engaged (definately not going to happen now), but I dont know what to do and just want to write this down. I'm not expecting any replies I just want to write.

I've been with my partner for 3 years and a year ago i moved countries to be with him. I dont know anyone here and feel really alone any friends I have here are because of him their not my friends I'd never ring them just to meet for a coffee or anything. I'm really far away from home and dont have lost contact with all my friends from back home (because I got involved with him, I became the girl I said I never would and ended up ditching them for him). So i cant turn to anyone in real life which is why i'm turing to this. Also I dont want to worry my family back home - they are worried about me being so far away from home as it is. In relation to me moving countries - it was him who asked me to move over here- i never suggested it.


Anyway thats the boring background.

Now to the reason I'm on here writing this - basically theres another girl involved in my fairytale romance and I've asked him time and time again what is going on with her and he's denied it over and over again. She has been 'after' him so to speak - other people have told me about it (but they also said he loves me and nothing is going on with her) which is partly why i believed him when he said nothing was going on, that yes she was after him but he was telling her to back off. I knew she was always in the background ringing, texting, emailing,facbook (but never at night never when she knew Id be around) - but I gave him the benefit of hte doubt - I love him i trust him so why wouldnt I? He isn't seeing her after work or at weekends because he is with me and he works full time so I dont know when they are seeing each other or even if they are. She just wont go away - she sent him some pics last week and I found out about it (he doesnt know I know) but he responded to one of the pics said how amazing she looked and put xxxx at the end of it. Could it just be a few dirty texts between them?

Another thing is in relation to the bedroom dept he never seems to want to and its been like that for about 2 years now in the last few months anytime ive gone near him hes said oh i want a shower-we'll do something later but we dont - is he hiding somehting is he sleepingwith her and then coming home to me? Why would he be on and on at me to move over here when he has her? Why not just finish it with me (at least id be at home with my family and a job).

I know this is all over the place and i'm sorry for that - I just dont know what to do anymore - i cant return home as there are no jobs for me there (gave up a perfectly good job to move here how stupid is that). One more thing is I've met his ex (she left him) and shes lovely I asked her why she left him and she told me but she said she felt bad coz she hurt him so much and that he'd donenothing on her. Do you think he is now trying to get back at women beacuse of what seh did to him = that he wants me to hurt as much as he does??

Am I really stupid for believing him? Am I grasping at straws and hoping that he does love me and does want me? If I'm really honest I'm in my late 30's and too old (and scared) to be on my own. Should I just ignore it and let whatever is going on happen? I afraid to ask him in case its true. He was ringing me earlier and a friend of his who he hasnt seen in about 5 years got on the phone and asked what I'd done to him that hes never met a guy so in love before that I'm all he can talk about. Do you think he's got his frined to say that to throw me off the scent?

I'm like a possessed woman - its eating me up inside and i really dont know what to do anymore.

As I said im sory this is all over the place and i'm sorry its so long i'm just lost at the minute.

I may be completely wrong but my immediate reaction is that you're being paranoid.
The texts are inappropriate but may not be anymore than that.
You can't hold it against him that you chose to move to be with him.

Have you spoken to your OH about how you are feeling? It sounds like he hasn't time to be seeing someone else as you can account for his whereabouts most of the time so perhaps proper reassurances and a more firm understanding of his relationship with this girl would put your mind at ease.

I'm verging on suggesting showing him your post, it is very well written and explains a lot of how you are feeling, alone and lonely in a foreign country.

Chrystal made a good point, you could show him your post. I'm sure it would upset him to know that you are feeling like this if there genuinely is nothing going on with this other girl and if he does love you as much as he says and his friends say. However, it is not appropriate or fair for him to be texting another girl and sending her xxx's, and I think that you should tackle him about this.

Hope everything works out for you

I just want to say thanks to everyone who has replied and thanks for being so kind - I was afraid you might think I was someone who was messing.

I have spoken to him (numerous times) about her but he always says nothing is going on. He said that I am paranoid and hes sick of hearing about it.

There's a few things I left out in the original post (i'm afraid people might find out it me) but here goes - they actually work together so they see each other at work everyday - they are not alone in the office at any time there are at least 50 people there all day long and in relation to the pics she sent him last week I also left out the fact that they were nude pics and the one he replied to was a full on shot of her vagina - he said You look amazing xxx.

longtimelurker wrote:I just want to say thanks to everyone who has replied and thanks for being so kind - I was afraid you might think I was someone who was messing.

I have spoken to him (numerous times) about her but he always says nothing is going on. He said that I am paranoid and hes sick of hearing about it.

There's a few things I left out in the original post (i'm afraid people might find out it me) but here goes - they actually work together so they see each other at work everyday - they are not alone in the office at any time there are at least 50 people there all day long and in relation to the pics she sent him last week I also left out the fact that they were nude pics and the one he replied to was a full on shot of her vagina - he said You look amazing xxx.

I think you need to print out the pics and his reply to them, land them on his lap, pack your bags and come home to your family and friends.

I know your right but i really cant go home and its not a pride thing, there are now jobs back home so i'm stuck away for home for god knows how long. Also in relation to what I'm earning now, it's really low, he give me extra money every week to top my wages up.

If there is anything going on between them I honestly dont know when they are together - he's home with me and if hes not with me hes out with the lads and i've just turned up loads of times (there's only 2 pubs they would be in) and shes not around.

Everyone keeps telling me how much he loves me and how lucky i am. Am I though? Is this what a relationship is supposed to be like? I was in the kitchen earlier and just started bawling over this, I ended up curled up in a ball on the floor. How can someone do this to someone that they are supposed to love?

Am I an idiot? I just don't know anything anymore.

You can come home and start again. It might seem difficult but you have to look at the long term future for yourself here.

Do you want to spend the rest of your life with a man that you don't trust, that you feel paranoid with and he tells you he is sick listening to you going on about it? That doesn't sound very loving to me, and at the very least you deserve reassurances and support to help you deal with it.

You mentioned too that you don't have sex and he keeps making excuses. Are you happy in a loveless relationship? Do you think it is acceptable for him to be in a relationship with you and not have sex, yet be looking at another woman's privates?

I would confront him with the pics, then tell him that you are not paranoid contrary to his opinion and you want to know what is going on.

You say you still don't know if there is something going on but is the pictures and his reply not enough?? It would be enough for me I have to say, I don't think I could turn a blind eye to something like that. Do you still love him as much as you did when you moved for him?

Coming home is not an option, not right now. I'd love if it was but I cant.

I dont want to spend my life with someone who makes me question whats going on, I don't think thats what a relationship is about. ButI don't want to be on my own. I came over here to be with him. I'm scared.

In relation to sex,we do get physical, about once a week. I'd like it a lot more but he says hes not up to it. He is loving with me, always putting his arm around me and times when he thinks i'm sleeping he'll play with my hair or touch my fingers.

I love him so much andI do get jealous but this is different. Has anyone had anything like this happen? Can it be fixed, can it go back to the way it was, does the girl go away?

Well if you want to make it work then the two of you will have to sit down and talk about it and make the girl go away. You say the's always telling you that there's nothing going on with her, but now that you have seen this picture and his text back you can say this to him and he will have to explain himself. I understand that you don't want to be alone but that's not a good enough reason to let someone treat you badly and if he is having correspondance like this with this girl then I'm sorry but that is treating you badly. If I were you, I would ask him to cut all ties with this girl and if he can't do that then you will have to make a decision, you can't live in doubt like this.

I'm sorry but is this for real??

Some work colleague sent your OH a picture of her vagina and he replied saying looking good??

Are you freaking kidding me???

Columbo1 wrote:I'm sorry but is this for real??

Some work colleague sent your OH a picture of her vagina and he replied saying looking good??

Are you freaking kidding me???

+1
it's all a bit... strange...
I can't understand how OP is undecided about a boyfriend who has pictures of another girls vagina... in one post, he rejects physical advances, in the next, they get physical once a week..
I'm confused...

I think you need to print out those pics and stick them up on the door of the office with her name across the top... the tart!!!!
How dare they, u must be so hurt :(

I knew people would think this was someone who is messing, but i'm not. I'm just someone who is really hurt right now.

I did say that he does reject me and he does, I also said we do get physical about once a week (if im lucky) but I do try for more (I would like it more and have spoken to him about it but he says no) and he says no or not right now later and there never is a later. I've asked him if theres anything wrong and he said no hes just not into it that much so i've left it.

If I'm honest I don't know why I wrote on this board (the only wedding related thing I have in common with everyone here is attending as a guest). I just wanted to get this off my chest and I dont have anyone to talk to and even if i did I know they'd tell me to leave him but i'm scared. He's been a very big part of my life for the last 3 years and if I'm honest I'm too old to start again. In relation to the two of them, I honestly don't know if they get together all his spare time is either with me (which is most of the time) or hes out with a few lads and theres only a choice of 2 pubs, he isn't into nightclubs and I've often just turned up at the pubs and shes not there.

You all must think i'm an idiot adn reading back over what i've written I am but I love him and he says he loves me and it was him pushing me to move over here. Why would he do that if he didnt love me? But if he did love me why would he respond to her texts? Also he has a son, who I've met, why would he introduce me to his son if he didn't want me around? I've met all his family and even the ex why introduce me to everyone if he didnt want me around? Also a few of his friends have been saying how much he loves me, I've even had 2 of their wives tell me that all he talks about is me and how happy he is with me, why would he tell them that if itwasn't true? I'm really confused.

If people think I'm a troll I'm sorry, but honest i'm not. I also want to say thanks again to everyone who has taken the time to reply.