Totally floored....please help.

Finicky Fi · by **Finicky Fi** » Sat Jan 28, 2022 11:07 am

popsi wrote:All I would say to those most recent posters is that life is not always black and white. I hope you never have to find that out the way I did.

I think you're right to give your marriage a chance.
We don't know that he has cheated more than once.
I am of the belief that everyone deserves a second chance.
You marry for better, for worse after all.
I think you're right and brave to work at it, though it could probably be tougher than walking away.

reine · by **reine** » Sat Jan 28, 2022 11:54 am

Finicky Fi wrote:
popsi wrote:All I would say to those most recent posters is that life is not always black and white. I hope you never have to find that out the way I did.

I think you're right to give your marriage a chance.
We don't know that he has cheated more than once.
I am of the belief that everyone deserves a second chance.
You marry for better, for worse after all.
I think you're right and brave to work at it, though it could probably be tougher than walking away.

They aren't married yet.

And popsi, no, life doesn't always work out as planned, but a simple fact of life is that if you really, truly love someone, you will not cheat! Unlike you, I am married and I can tell you with 100% certainty that if my husband did the same as your fiancé, that would absolutely be the end for us. I am speaking from experience and have given a cheater chances in the past, only for him to cheat again. I was promised the world blah blah, but when he thought I'd never find out, he did it again. I learnt the hard way. I was a fool. True love doesn't work like this. It doesn't put you in this position.

Finicky Fi · by **Finicky Fi** » Sat Jan 28, 2022 2:43 pm

reine wrote:They aren't married yet.

My mistake.

happieout · by **happieout** » Sat Jan 28, 2022 3:18 pm

I'm sorry you are going through all of this.
I don't think the fact that the baby isn't his changes things. He still lied and put you at risk of disease. There's every chance of it happening again.
I hope you don't marry this creep and see sense fast. And some things ARE black and white when it comes to real love. You don't treat someone like dirt when you want to spend the rest of your life with them. (The majority of guys wouldn't treat someone like this even if they didn't want to spend their life with them. They'd just break up)
I hope you have good support and look after yourself.

by **Loufar** » Fri Feb 03, 2022 11:31 am

popsi wrote:
All I would say to those most recent posters is that life is not always black and white. I hope you never have to find that out the way I did.

Hi Popsi, couldn't not post. Just want to say that I completely agree with you here. Only you can decide how you can move forward from this. Married or not, if this relationship is important to you then why should't you try to work at it, if that is what you want. Life is certainly not black and white, in fact the grey areas far out number any other. I know you posted on here for some advice and support, but at the end of the day only you know your own mind.
I can see why you would want to leave him and I can also undersatnd why you want to go to counselling and try to figure it out. Why make hasty decisions, you need to work out your feelings.
I really hope it all works out for you, whichever decision you come to in the end

by **poppylops** » Mon Feb 06, 2022 8:48 pm

My friend was recently in this situation and the way I put it to her was " If you were single and I said to you that I have this lovely man for you.... Hes cheated on his last girlfriend though, She thought he had another girl pregnant, might have given her an STD, he did this that and the other (insert all the things your OH has done)" would u still be interested?? Or put it thats its your best friend youre giving the advice to. What do u think you should say??? U know in your heart whats best for you. Hope everything works out for the best x

Carriedaway · by **Carriedaway** » Fri Feb 10, 2022 11:45 am

Everybody is different and deals with these things differently. I think you have done the right thing getting sti checked etc but i just want to share a story with you
5 years ago my brother got married, his fiancee had cheated on him and the guy she was cheating with told my brother. My brother was cut up about it and changed his mind about marrying her so many times. He went ahead and married her anyway, he became isolated from family and friends as everyone was always arguing with him over her. She never spoke to any of us after the wedding.
Well its now 5 years later , my parents have just flown out to the other side of the world to be with their son who just tried to commit suicide as his marraige was over. he couldn't get over her affair yet they still went ahead and tried for a baby. baby was born in september and none of my family have met her. My brother was completely isolated and now she doesnt let him see the baby.
you need to be 100% sure that you can get over this cheating and trust him again before you get married to him. My brothers situation is quite drastic but it all stems from her cheating

Happy Mammie · by **Happy Mammie** » Fri Feb 10, 2022 12:29 pm

bbob your poor Brother i hope he will be ok and i hope he gets to see his little girl.

by **cutex12** » Mon Feb 27, 2022 11:08 pm

Hi Popsi,

I saw your post on another thread, and glad to see you are still using the site. I've thought about you and your situation a bit since you first posted, and hoped you have come to a decision that you can make peace with, whatever that decision may be....I may have been a bit harsh in the advice I gave and it probably wasnt what you wanted to hear at the time, but do understand that everyone and every relationship is different and you should do what you think is best for you. Hope you are feeling a bit better anyway...
:wv

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