Totally floored....please help.

by **harvey2012** » Sat Jan 14, 2022 5:42 pm

What a terrible terrible situation to be in. My thoughts and prayers are with you. You really need time and space to let it sink in and decide where you go from here. I know if it was me I would want to go somewhere neutral away from him where I could think clearly.
Honestly i don't think I could ever forgive such betrayal and i would cut my losses.He has brought this woman into your life for the next 18years and I know I would not be able to see my husband giving our time and money to a child by another woman. That's my opinion for what it's worth. I hope you have someone close to talk to.

mrs mammy · by **mrs mammy** » Sat Jan 14, 2022 9:58 pm

Honestly i don't think I could ever forgive such betrayal and i would cut my losses.

I am so sorry I think I would do the same although I've never been in this situation so who knows if that is what I would do?! You must be feeling so many things right now, anger, fear, betrayal.. I agree with everyone who say take some time away to think about this. I am so mad at your fiance for you!! >:o(

yonex · by **yonex** » Sat Jan 14, 2022 10:31 pm

my friend went through this 2 years ago. he only told her web the girl was 7 months
she thought bout stayin with him went off on hols to clear her head
on return he dropped the bomb shell that he had decided to go live wit the mother of his child

ye need to sit down n talk every thing through. maybe u should pen a letter to him wit ur feelings thoughts etc

twinbambinos · by **twinbambinos** » Sat Jan 14, 2022 10:49 pm

mrs mammy wrote:
Honestly i don't think I could ever forgive such betrayal and i would cut my losses.

I am so sorry I think I would do the same although I've never been in this situation so who knows if that is what I would do?! You must be feeling so many things right now, anger, fear, betrayal.. I agree with everyone who say take some time away to think about this. I am so mad at your fiance for you!!

+1 I couldnt forgive this kind of betrayal, Plus you need to think that he will now always have a connection ( the baby) wiht this woman and will have to see her and be in contact with her and the child which would be very hard on you especially now that he has broken your trust. I feel so sorry for you because its the most horrible situation to find yourself in but could you honestly forgive him? I really think you need to leave there and go home or go to a friends house and confide in someone as this is too big a problem to be trying to work out on your own. Big hugs to you and i hope you are ok :xxx

by **popsi** » Sun Jan 15, 2022 9:22 am

Thanks everyone for their support. I'm going to go stay with a friend from work. I've talked to my close friends on the phone but I really need a hug.
I never ever thought I wouldforgive someone who cheated. But I'm so afraid. I keep doubting myself and changing my mind.
He thinks the baby is not his. This girl is living with someone else and already has a two year old with him. She is not exactly trustworthy either. I couldn't believe what my fiancé was saying so I rang her. She confirmed that it only happened once and she said she knows it's his. But she agreed to have a paternity test in may. To be honest she sounds like a right piece of work. I absolutely hate him for not only destroying our future but for tainting alll of my happy memories of the last few months, when it seemed like everything was going right.

liz28 · by **liz28** » Sun Jan 15, 2022 9:58 am

Hi Popsi,

great to hear that you are going to stay with a friend.

Only you can make the decision on what you want to do going forward but the only thing that i would say to you is that you are under no pressure to make YOUR decision on the rest of your life.

Take your time - there is no deadline.. try and limit your contact with himself as that may sway you.

you say that you bought your house so after your stay in your friends and if you still feel unsure ask him to move out for a while, after all you did nothing wrong.

Take care of yourself.

Finicky Fi · by **Finicky Fi** » Sun Jan 15, 2022 10:57 am

You've had a massive shock so don't make a hasty decision.
Allow yourself time.

You're in a situation that no one really knows how they'd handle, unless they've been in it.

Trust will be difficult to rebuild, but give him his due. He's being honest with you now.
Plenty of men aren't.

It may not seem like it now, but worse things can happen.

by **lily2011** » Sun Jan 15, 2022 7:44 pm

popsi, I read your post last night and wasn't able to log on but I've been thinking about you all day. I think a bit of distance will really help you, only you can decide if you can live with what he has done. As another poster said, don't feel rushed into ANY decision, make sure you do what is right for you.
You don't deserve this and I'm so sorry you are going through it.
Take care of yourself x

by **Mml** » Sun Jan 15, 2022 7:56 pm

Oh ya poor thing,I'm so sorry you are going through this.
The thing that I would be really worried about for you is the fact that he had unprotected sex 5 months ago and I assume he has being sleeping with you since. The sh!t doesn't have the decency or respect that a husband to be should.
Think long and hard about whether you want another woman's child in your life under these circumstances coz it's not easy when it's straight forward like when ya meet a single dad & start dating.

Anyway best of luck with it all,distance yourself from him at the moment.x.

by **popsi** » Sun Jan 15, 2022 9:16 pm

Thanks girls. He says he is not going to rest until he makes me fall in love with him again. I can't even begin to think about if thats what I want.
I know Mml, I have already been thinking about that and trying to work up the courage to book an std test. The shame of it all.

I'm feeling better now though. My friends have been keeping in touch all day and I'm just about ready to believe that I am strong enough to cope with this, whatever decision I make.

I would have been lost without all your support and best wishes. I never in a million years thought I would be posting a thread like this.

by **Mml** » Sun Jan 15, 2022 10:10 pm

Popsi you have nothing to be ashamed of at all. I would be making him go first anyway. Make him go through it but go yourself aswell as you need to mind yourself.
Please take some time away from him as he obviously wants to keep you but you need to decide what you want.
Will send on a pm to you in a minute!

mrs mammy · by **mrs mammy** » Sun Jan 15, 2022 11:20 pm

He thinks the baby is not his.

Does he think this makes the cheating alright then?

Hope you are doing ok, be strong.

Skinnymini · by **Skinnymini** » Mon Jan 16, 2022 11:12 am

mrs mammy wrote:
He thinks the baby is not his.

Does he think this makes the cheating alright then?

Hope you are doing ok, be strong.

I doubt he means its ok but of course it does change the situation.
I'd imagine him cheating would be easier to get over as opposed to him cheating
and fathering a child from it. Still doesn't take away what he did but would change things when it came to Popsi's decision I'd imagine.

Popsi, hope you are doing ok.
Someone posted a bit about if he is the father would you be ok with a child and it's mother in your life, I think if you decide to forgive the cheating that this is a major thing to factor in.

Did your OH or you know this person before he did this?
Only you can really decide if you can forgive him.
If you think you can then his actions from here on in and how he goes about
the situation are what you need to pay close attention to.

by **popsi** » Mon Jan 16, 2022 12:27 pm

Of course it doesn't excuse what he did. But comparing the two if I decide to stick it out - if it's not his baby I have to find the room in my heart to forgive him. If it is his baby I have to find the room in my heart to accept this child, the other girl and possibly even her other child into our lives forever. Not sure my heart is that big.

I've never met the girl. She lives in an apartment block that he looks after. It happened while he was there fixing something. God how seedy is that? Just seeing that written down makes me feel so sick.

by **proposalring** » Mon Jan 16, 2022 12:32 pm

Hi Popsi,

I dont really have much to say other than I am thinking about you a lot. I cant believe he did that to you. Take time think it all out.

Best of luck with everything

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