Totally floored....please help.

hils138 · by **hils138** » Mon Jan 16, 2022 10:20 pm

popsi wrote:I've never met the girl. She lives in an apartment block that he looks after. It happened while he was there fixing something. God how seedy is that? Just seeing that written down makes me feel so sick.

He meet his girl while working and sober!!!! While drink is NO excuse at least there is an arguement that he wasn't thinking clearly if he was drunk on a night out but while in work he is meant to act in a professional manner.

My heart goes out to you

YoMammaSo · by **YoMammaSo** » Tue Jan 17, 2022 12:13 pm

This sounds like something out of days of our lives or something. The fact that this happened during the day with some random girl and as previous posters has said without drink involved (not that, that excuses it), while he was fixing something is beyond me. How did she even have his number to let him know of the pregnancy? Was there more to it that he hasnt told you ? Why has he waited so long to fess up ? I would make him go and get tested at an STI clinic, for 2 reasons, 1 to make sure he is clean and isnt harbouring any nasty infections that have no symptom's which could leave you infirtile if he passed it on to you #2 simply for him to realise the severity of what he was done. Its like putting him on the naughty step he has to think of his actions and reap the reprecussions of what he was done. The wait for results will be daunting but hopefully he will realise what he was done.

I dont think I could forgive, but im so stupidly inlove myself, that It was always black and white with me but now being so in love there definatly are greys. .

Only you can make this decision, Im glad youv taken time out for yourself. I have 2 stepsons and I love them to bits but children from another relationship and a crazy other mother, puts a huge strain on a relationship. Plus the fact that i think there will always be resentment over what has happened.
Could you trust your fiance having relationship with this girl, which has to happen if he wants to have a relationship with his child, Could you trust him meeting up with her to see the child? Or could they accidently end up in bed again ?

I hope your ok, i hope you confide in your family.

big hugs xx

by **popsi** » Tue Jan 17, 2022 1:16 pm

He looks after the apartment block and she lives there. All of the tenants have his number to report problems etc. So this is were my resolve falls apart. He will have to see her, and anytime she wants anything done she rings him. He has a contract with the management company and she is threatening to tell them what had happened if he doesn't do what she says.

He set up his own business 3 years ago and this is only one of the apartment blocks he looks after. He works very hard and I often used to joke that maybe I would get more attention if I was a landlord. I know how seedy the whole thing is and he could have a girl in every block that he also conveniently wiped from his memory.

I have sent him to an sti clinic today. By far the scariest part is that if she never got pregnant, he never would have told me about cheating and I never would have known that there is even a chance I could have an sti. He nearly died when I pointed that out to him.
He is the most selfish person in the world and right now I hate him. But I'm so all over the place right now that in half an hour I'll be thinking we can work through.this.

YoMammaSo · by **YoMammaSo** » Tue Jan 17, 2022 2:07 pm

popsi wrote:He is the most selfish person in the world and right now I hate him. But I'm so all over the place right now that in half an hour I'll be thinking we can work through.this.

Thats your perogative, do what is right for you. But try reading back your own posts as an outsider and see do you gain a different perspective, if it was your sister, what advice would you give her ?
Best of luck !

PG nothing shows up on his sti tests!

by **Mml** » Tue Jan 17, 2022 2:18 pm

Oh popsi I hate to say it too but the fact he was sober makes it worse. I know drink isn't a great excuse but it would make ya feel better at least. I really think it will be very hard for you to not only forgive this but you will never be able to forget it as there is a child that is gonna be a constant reminder.

Oh my heart goes out to you but I have to be honest if you were my friend I would be saying walk away. I'm so sorry to be blunt but the circumstances of his betrayal are awful.

Talk,talk,talk to your friends as they know him,we are just getting this awful image of a huge big sh!t.

Take care.x.

by **popsi** » Tue Jan 17, 2022 2:24 pm

Mml your description of him as a huge big sh!t just made me smile for the first time since friday. Thank you!

by **cutex12** » Tue Jan 17, 2022 2:50 pm

I'm so sorry to hear you are going through this. I'v been thinking about you since you first posted, and I am so angry for you! I hope you are getting lots of advice from family and friends. I know its very hard to see this now, but in a way this is a blessing and a very lucky escape. Marriage is a very long and sometimes difficult journey at the best of times. If this fckwhit could do this to you at a time in your relationship that is the most exciting, and when you presumably are at a very happy phase, you can be sure he would do it to you further down the line, when you are married, things have gone stale, or going through a rough patch (as all marriages inevitably do). If there is a bright side of this at all, it is that at least you dont have any children with this selfish dispicable man. I'm sorry if I am harsh, I dont know the fella, and I'm sure he has many fine qualities that you fell in love with. But in my book, it is absolutely unforgivable, even if there was no unborn child. He only told you becuase he had no choice. I've no personal experience but a very close friend of mine recently found out her husband has been cheating. They have three very young children together, and she was caught completely unaware. They were the couple we all aspired to be, and her shock alone at the deception almost killed her. You think you know someone inside out..,needless to say, she is now raising her three children more or less singlelandedly.
Take comfort from the suppport of your friends and family. You do not deserve to be in this awful situation. But it is amazing how resilient us women are. You will get through this, and over time start to feel like yourself again, and look towards a happier future.
I wish you all the best, stay strong :wv

platinumbride · by **platinumbride** » Wed Jan 18, 2022 11:36 am

cutex12 wrote:I'm so sorry to hear you are going through this. I'v been thinking about you since you first posted, and I am so angry for you! I hope you are getting lots of advice from family and friends. I know its very hard to see this now, but in a way this is a blessing and a very lucky escape. Marriage is a very long and sometimes difficult journey at the best of times. If this fckwhit could do this to you at a time in your relationship that is the most exciting, and when you presumably are at a very happy phase, you can be sure he would do it to you further down the line, when you are married, things have gone stale, or going through a rough patch (as all marriages inevitably do). If there is a bright side of this at all, it is that at least you dont have any children with this selfish dispicable man. I'm sorry if I am harsh, I dont know the fella, and I'm sure he has many fine qualities that you fell in love with. But in my book, it is absolutely unforgivable, even if there was no unborn child. He only told you becuase he had no choice. I've no personal experience but a very close friend of mine recently found out her husband has been cheating. They have three very young children together, and she was caught completely unaware. They were the couple we all aspired to be, and her shock alone at the deception almost killed her. You think you know someone inside out..,needless to say, she is now raising her three children more or less singlelandedly.
Take comfort from the suppport of your friends and family. You do not deserve to be in this awful situation. But it is amazing how resilient us women are. You will get through this, and over time start to feel like yourself again, and look towards a happier future.
I wish you all the best, stay strong

+1 to all of this. great advice. I too am so sorry you have to go through this. I am trying to imagine if it was me what I would do. I am 4 months away from being married and I think I would just not be able to get passed this if it was me, regardless of a pregnancy even.. I've been affected by this as my own family was broken up with cheating and only now 16 years later do we all get along with each other.

You may be better off to start again and just work through this on your own for a while. put yourself first always, you are the most important person in your life right now. I wish you well in whatever you decide x

Happy Mammie · by **Happy Mammie** » Thu Jan 19, 2022 1:13 pm

Popsi i have been thinking about you since your first post. I am so angry for you right now. I hope he hasent caught anything. Have you told any friends you really do need someone that knows your Partner to help you through it. I wish you all the best with what ever you decide to do.

by **KateMidleton** » Thu Jan 19, 2022 9:59 pm

popsi wrote:What do I do? Seriously, in need of some advice. Is there anyone out there who thinks we stand a chance? Our am I a fool to even consider it?

I can't tell my family yet or it will be out of my hands. There is no way they would forgive him.

Only you know that hun but you need to take some time by yourself away from him to think. Jesus i don't know how you are coping though that is seriously awful news.

by **soon2bmrsmm** » Thu Jan 19, 2022 10:54 pm

i am so so sorry for you. you must feel like you'll never get over this right but whatever you decided you will be happy again weather with your oh or away for him it's just gonna take time. only you can decided what you want but for me the fact that he works so close to this woman and could even be in her home on any given day would be a huge factor me, I dont think i could deal with it, sorry for being so honest. i can not begin to understand what you are going through i wish i could give you a hug right now my heart goes out to you. my thought are with you

by **Bride1212** » Thu Jan 19, 2022 11:05 pm

Hi Popsi, Lovely to see some serious girlpower support on here for u ;o)

you definitley need it and i am so sorry you are in this situation. I dont think anyone can ever say if he should stay or go if we dont know you or him but on the whole, i think most people would find it very hard to stay together after that awful breach of trust.
i couldnt cope with the 'other woman' (who sounds like a headcase) and the child becoming part of my life-i think you are probably better than that serious kick to your self esteem.
and seriously there is no way that one random trip to fix something in middle of day resulted in a once off mistake and he was unlucky to get her pregnant that one time?! Id guess theres a past to it.

anyway i suppose the sordid details just make it so much more horrible for you, so just want to say im glad you have support, keep looking after yourself and take loads of time. If you are to get back together you would need a big break and then restart relationship again-with him living elsewhere in interim i would suggest.

by **PookieBear** » Fri Jan 20, 2022 10:05 am

I read your post earlier Popsi and I haven’t been able to stop thinking of you since so I’ve had to respond.

My heart goes out to you and I’m so upset and annoyed that someone could have broken yours in such a horrible way.

Like the other Wollies have said, only you can determine what is right for you going forward but you’re in such a state of shock right now that you really do need to get away so you can start to get your head together to find out what you want for yourself, from your relationship and from your life in general. You need a good friend or family member to take care of you with a bit of love and understanding so that you can have time you to focus on you and your needs and wants.

Take all the time you need – even postpone the wedding until you are utterly confident about what you want to do. Give yourself breathing space and not the pressure of thinking ‘I have to make a decision because the wedding is only a few months away’.

This is not a decision to be rushed.

What your fiancé did was despicable. Everyone agrees about that, but everyone will have different opinions about where you go from here. The only opinion that ultimately matters is yours.

All I would say to you, is remember what you are worth as a person and what you deserve as the amazing woman you are.

You deserve so much better than how you have been treated and you most certainly deserve a man to love you unconditionally and a man in whom you can trust without any reservations. You deserve a man to be your rock and not a person who will pull the foundations of your life out from under you. You deserve a man to be the protector of your heart (and person!) and not the destructor of it.

If you believe that your fiancé can become this man (again? – was he this before? – only you know), then I wish with all my heart that you will both be able to work through this - with all the difficulties that there will undoubtedly be - and come out the other side to be truly happy together.

If you have any doubts, then I would say, wait for the man who will everything that you need and want and most definitely, deserve. Even though it will probably be the hardest thing you will ever have to do, wait for the man who will be so unbelievably happy and grateful that he has found you, ‘his one and only’, that he will never let you go and certainly not for someone who “meant nothing”. Wait for the one who knows what he has when he has it and will spend every day of his life trying to make you as happy as you make him.

You are worth that and deserve that.

We all do.

Whatever your decision regarding your fiancé, I wish you nothing but the best.

Penny Hill · by **Penny Hill** » Fri Jan 20, 2022 3:33 pm

Bride1212 wrote:Hi Popsi, Lovely to see some serious girlpower support on here for u
you definitley need it and i am so sorry you are in this situation. I dont think anyone can ever say if he should stay or go if we dont know you or him but on the whole, i think most people would find it very hard to stay together after that awful breach of trust.
i couldnt cope with the 'other woman' (who sounds like a headcase) and the child becoming part of my life-i think you are probably better than that serious kick to your self esteem.
and seriously there is no way that one random trip to fix something in middle of day resulted in a once off mistake and he was unlucky to get her pregnant that one time?! Id guess theres a past to it.

anyway i suppose the sordid details just make it so much more horrible for you, so just want to say im glad you have support, keep looking after yourself and take loads of time. If you are to get back together you would need a big break and then restart relationship again-with him living elsewhere in interim i would suggest.

Speaking from experience, unfortuantley some people are that unlucky.

by **popsi** » Fri Jan 20, 2022 8:00 pm

Pookiebear thank you so much for your post. It is as though you have jumped into my head, unscrambled my thoughts and strung them together so much more eloquently than I ever could.

I'm not for one moment condoning his actions. But he was that man once before. I just have to take time to figure out if he ever can be again.

Thanks so much to all of you, for your support and advice. I am starting to feel strong enough to cope with whatever the future brings. I guess I'm starting to believe in myself again.

Who is online