Totally floored....please help.

by **PookieBear** » Fri Jan 20, 2022 10:26 pm

Hey Popsi, having had my own heart and self-belief once left in tatters, your posts affected me so much that I just had to speak from the heart in the hope that in the midst of all this chaos and hurt, you wouldn’t lose sight of the fact (as I did at the time) that you are an amazing woman who deserves her heart’s hero.

Do believe in yourself and take all the time and space you need because, wherever your head and heart takes you – whether back to your fiancé or not - at the end of it all and however long, scary or difficult the road, that man with that love, will be there for you.

You’re a brave and strong lady and, as you can see, we are behind you in making whatever decision is right for you.

Look after yourself Popsi - thinking of you and wishing you all the best and every blessing for the future xxx

reine · by **reine** » Fri Jan 20, 2022 11:02 pm

popsi wrote:I've never met the girl. She lives in an apartment block that he looks after. It happened while he was there fixing something. God how seedy is that? Just seeing that written down makes me feel so sick.

If he was capable of doing this to you, then I'm sorry, but he doesn't love you... Not in the way love is supposed to be - no matter what he says. I believe that if you truly love and respect someone, it would never cross your mind to do something as heinous as this.

I couldn't forgive him. Not for a second, but I wish you all the best in whatever you decide to do.

MrsBig10 · by **MrsBig10** » Sat Jan 21, 2022 12:52 pm

I couldn't read this & not reply.
First of all, this is terrible & you should take yourself away from the situation for a few days as other WOLs have said.
Secondly, I can only say that I would find it hard to be with my partner if they did this.
He only told you because the girl is pregnant. He betrayed you, slept with another girl & was the reason he told you incase you found out?

If you do forgive him, can you forget? This is down to you & only you can decide what you are going to do.

Take care

by **popsi** » Fri Jan 27, 2022 11:49 am

Update ladies.....

The "other woman" appears to have been lying about the idiot being the father. Now I know this doesn't change the fact that he cheated etc etc but it makes the future easier to contemplate.

She told him she wanted him to get what he deserved, by me finding out they had been together and leaving him. She told him the guy she lives with is going to all the scans etc, and is more likely to be the father. She told my OH to leave her alone that she doesn't want anything to do with him. This all came from me telling him to take ownership of the situation and offer to bring her to the scans, be there for the baby, etc. The other guy is still completely in the dark about all of this.

Coupled with the fact that she told me that horrible night when I found out that the baby was due on 23rd May. He says they slept together in middle of July. So I'm not sure those dates add up at all.

Anyway like I said I know this doesn't excuse anything and he is getting the results of his sti test today so that will open another can of worms, but at the moment this is giving me a small glimmer of hope.

YoMammaSo · by **YoMammaSo** » Fri Jan 27, 2022 12:22 pm

Probably me being bad minded- but id make sure her fella found out about it too, sure isnt that exactly what she did, fuCking wagon ah some girls just need a slap!

Your right it still doesnt change things but at least thats a huge part taken out of it . .

ok jsut for the sake of it, say they had sex on 15th july I did a pregnancy predicter test

Congratulations! Your baby is due on or around:
Friday, April 6, 2022

but if it was the end of july and she had a long cycle , who knows it could be closer to may . . .

I would make sure a paternity test is done, if you are staying together, this could come back and bite him in the ass!!

I hope for your sake the tests come up clear tomorrow!

Happy Mammie · by **Happy Mammie** » Fri Jan 27, 2022 12:47 pm

I agree with YoMammaSo id make sure her fella found out aswel what a bunny. Id also make sure he gets a paternity test done when the baby is born. I hope all the tests are clear.

by **popsi** » Fri Jan 27, 2022 2:29 pm

His STI results are all clear. Am I naive in thinking that means I am too? Really don't want to have to go through that unless its necessary.

YoMammaSo · by **YoMammaSo** » Fri Jan 27, 2022 2:53 pm

popsi wrote:His STI results are all clear. Am I naive in thinking that means I am too? Really don't want to have to go through that unless its necessary.

fantastic news, no love i wouldnt rick it to be honest, she sounds like a complete skank.

I hope hes not off the hook now, i still think as i said in my last post

by **popsi** » Fri Jan 27, 2022 4:18 pm

No fear of him being off the hook any time soon. He has just text me to say that he made an appointment for us to go to relationship counselling next week. This is huge for him as being a typical man's man he usually shies away from any touchy feely talking as he says.

I've agreed to go as I still have questions I want answered and no matter what happens I don't want to end up full of resentment and bitterness.

reine · by **reine** » Fri Jan 27, 2022 5:03 pm

I can't believe you're staying with a man who did this to you, baby or not. Sorry, but if I'm being honest, if he can do that to you once, he can definitely do it again. What sort of man who is head over heels in love with his partner can do this?!

by **cutex12** » Fri Jan 27, 2022 6:48 pm

reine wrote:I can't believe you're staying with a man who did this to you, baby or not. Sorry, but if I'm being honest, if he can do that to you once, he can definitely do it again. What sort of man who is head over heels in love with his partner can do this?!

Agree 100 percent with this. I'm sorry popsi but as difficult and unthinkable as it may be, you need to move away and move on from this man. By all means go to a relationship councellor, thats actually a really good idea, given what he has done to you. But do it alone, as the strong independent woman that you are. You stay with this man and you loose a vital bit of yourself, and your belief that you are with the best man that you can be with. You deserve so much more than this. Dont doubt that for a moment. Love can be blindling, and clearly your love for him has caused you to loose sight of what love should really be about...absolute respect and trust in each other. I'd be very surprised if any of your friends and family are actually encouraging you to think about a reconciliation. How could they attend a wedding knowing what this man is capable of showing you such contempt? (an afternoon dirty romp with some tramp during working hours). Nobody knows him on this site, but that is irrelevent. He could be Mother Theresa, and it still doesnt excuse his decision that day (and possibly many others) to sugar all over you and your relationship and commitment to each other. I'm sure he is on his knees begging for forgiveness, and promising you the sun moon and stars right now. Bet he's real pissed he got caught out so badly. Unlucky for him.
I'm sorry to be so harsh, but I'm shocked anyone would even consider starting off their marriage like this! But I am delighted that you are all clear healthwise, no thanks to him, I might add.
I hope you get the strength to close the door on this chapter in your life, sooner rather than later :wv

by **harvey2012** » Fri Jan 27, 2022 6:53 pm

It also sounds to me that he is in the one in need of counselling and not you.

by **popsi** » Fri Jan 27, 2022 7:26 pm

I haven't said im staying with him. I haven't decided anything yet. I am going with to get professional advice.

All I would say to those most recent posters is that life is not always black and white. I hope you never have to find that out the way I did.

teatimebride · by **teatimebride** » Fri Jan 27, 2022 9:16 pm

Good on you popsi. I've no idea how I would react in your situation at all so I can't tell you what I would or wouldn't do. It doesn't sound like the baby is his going by her due date but might be no harm to make sure after it's born. I know it probably doesn't really make much of a difference whether it is or isn't in terms of forgiving him or not for what he has done, but I would guess that it would factor in your decision to give the relationship another go or not if you did decide to forgive him. It'd be hard enough to get back with him and work through all ye will have to work through, but with the added complication and constant reminder of a child that isn't yours to consider, it would be much, much harder. Good luck with everything hun. Not an easy thing to have to face and I totally feel for you. Mind yourself.

Luka · by **Luka** » Fri Jan 27, 2022 11:22 pm

That other woman is a skanky opportunist, whom you would never have found out about had she not gotten pregnant! How many times has he gotten away with this before ?& Unprotected sex? & the risk he's put you at. A waster & a loser. Move on now.

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