DH SAYS HE DOES'T LOVE ME ANY MORE

by **brideofjune6** » Sat Mar 10, 2022 1:27 am

Hi Girl's,
Really hard even writing this back in Oct last year my dh told me when we were out having a few drinks for my birthday, that he did't love me any more, well with pure shock i was devasted i asked him to repeat what he had just said and he said it again, I went home cried the whole way home in the Taxi and when i got home text him saying how could u do this to me, I forgot to mention that i had a miscarraige in May and it was my First Pregnancy.
He text back saying sorry but this is how i feel.
With pure temper i packed 5 sacks off his clothe's and text him sayin if this is how u feel, your clothe's are outside collect them. He had no key to get in, so i woke the next day thinking he might of went to has Mother's the 5 sacks of clothes were gone, tried ringing him, but got no ans and then he text to say their was something wrong with his phone. He had stayed in a Travel lodge so i said we need to talk and i collected him and brought him back to our house and he was still a bit tipsy from the night before, but he stuck to what he said and he packed his bags and said he would stay in his Mother's for awhile and that he thought we had drifted apart the last 6 month's or so. That their was no intimacy (hugging and kissing) in our relationship.
As u can imagine i didn't eat for that day or the next properly anyway. He said that was his problem that he never spoke about his problem and they just got worse, that is the way he was brought up to sweep everything under the carpet and not talk at all,
He rang me the next day saying he went to the Doc and the Doc thought he was a bit depressed described anti-depressants for him, and that he need ed to go to Consellioning himself aswell, forgot to mention that he has a very stressful job too. But to cut a long story short after 3 weeks apart we decided to give things ago again, even though i was really hurt by all of this, I didn't want to walk away and say i didn't try, and he said the same. I got consellioning seperately because i wasn't dealing with this very well either,
So after Xmas we got marraige conselling which i thought helped greatly, I think their was obvuoisly isses on my mind and i didn't even realise it, I also forgot to mention my DH plays alot of sports and is very active, but it was actually taking a toll on our relationship aswell, sometimes i suppose i felt like a piece of meat every time it suited him i would have to jump to him for a bit, But we are getting on alot better but i ttold him the other night that i still loved him very much so, and his response was " I don't want to get into this right know", I just don't know any more its been 6 months and he can't even maybe say i think my feelings are coming back for u, Its so hard the consellor we went to seperately keeps saying don't go by what he is saying go by the way he is acting, but he is acting like he is making an effort but i feel like i need some reassurince know in the relationship, I am as scared as him incase it doesn't work out, but Jesus after 6 months u would think he can tell me omething and the worst thing is we were still having sex, and i feel like he is having his cake and eating it, he has it a little bit to easy, that maybe we should just work on the intimacy first for the marraige to work,
Any advice would be great girl's feel very alone a
Regards
Brideofjune6 :thnk

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teatimebride · by **teatimebride** » Sat Mar 10, 2022 11:21 am

Hi, I don't really have any advice to give but didn't want to read and not reply as it sounds like you are going through a very tough time. My initial thought is that he must have some feelings towards you, otherwise he wouldn't be giving it another shot. You've been very patient and I think I'd be the same, I'd need some sort of reassurance from him that things are moving forward for him, not moving backwards or staying static, so maybe phrase it with him in that way? Don't ask him if he loves you, ask him if he feels things are moving forward or if he feels is ye're relationship progressing, something like that.

Sometimes it helps just to put things down on paper or type out your feelings on a computer, PM me if you feel you need to do this and don't want it to be public. XX

ETA Can't believe he told you this when ye were out BTW, bad form on his part and a bit cowardly IMO.

by **Teapot30** » Sat Mar 10, 2022 11:38 am

You poor thing. It sounds like you are really going through it at the moment. Im really sorry to hear about your miscarriage last year. Do you think that it had an impact on your relationship with DH? You mentioned his job. Dont underestimate the power stress has on the body and mind. Lots of people have been through rough patches in their relationship/marriage. I think its a really good sign that you are both willing to work on it. I really believe that you should both get away for a holiday together if you can afford it. Just time to focus on yourselves. No work or sport or councelling to add to the mix. It might help you to get the fun back. Im not saying it will fix your problems but sometimes we need reminding of why we fell in love in the first place. Best of luck :thnk

by **brideofjune6** » Tue Mar 13, 2022 2:57 pm

Hi girl's,
Thanks a million for replies,
Its nice just to have someone to talk to, I don't want to be burding me family with this problem because i know the are very concerned about me, which is only natural enough, but the marraige consellor has adviced us not to get in-laws involved, Things are improving a bit i suppose just need my DH to be more open and communuciate with me, am really trying to make more of an effort with intimacy issues, my DH also said i nagged him alot, so trying to ask him to do things in a better tone like "when u get a chance would u mind cutting the grass" small things that were probably big issues to DH, he said he wants a more relaxed inviroment to come home to, kind of annoyed as he hasn't even offer to help me clean the house the last 2 weekends and i don't want to nag him either, I asked him on Sun would he mind mopping the floor and he said im to hungover their is always an excuse, and i asked him nicely, I just cant win sometimes, Im just wondering what changes he has made recently towards our relationship, cant really think of anything of my head, O:|

Sory for blabbing on a bit gitls thanks again for advice,
Kindest Regards
brideofjune6 :thnk

teatimebride · by **teatimebride** » Tue Mar 13, 2022 3:32 pm

No need to apologise at all hun. Sounds like he is making all this out to be your fault and he's not in the wrong at all. Which isn't true at all. Have u discussed this part of things with counsellor? You need to be raising literally everything at these sessions in order for them to be a success, both of you. My DHsays that sometimes about relaxing when he gets home drives me mental. I'm quick to remind him that I work full time too with a much longer commute than him. Its not the dark ages.

ianstuart · by **ianstuart** » Tue Mar 20, 2022 4:49 pm

I think you should defo discuss the house work and outside house work at the next couple session you have . Its not good enough that your too scared to ask your hubby to mop the floor incase he is too stressed /not relaxed enough.

I would maybe put more emphasis on having a date night with dinner and cinema etc etc and having cuddle time than sex. I know this will be easier said than done but sure try it for 2 weeks and see where it gets yous.

by **star313** » Fri Mar 30, 2022 3:18 pm

I think you have been very paitent and bent over backwards to make things work counselling etc he sounds like he is being very selfish - hard as it may seem you cant go on much longer in limbo like this its been months. Im not saying give him an ultimatium but something needs to give he either wants it to work and he loves you or he doesnt sorry if thats a bit harsh but you will be a wreck if this goes on much longer - maybe a holiday or a weekend away is a good idea hope all works out for the best you dont deserve this x

buddylove · by **buddylove** » Fri Mar 30, 2022 9:32 pm

jeepers that is a tough situation to live in. I think that you really need to think long and hard about how long you are going to wait for him to get feelings back for you... He is being cold and cruel to you if he wants to leave and is just dragging it out. Jobs, sports, life in general is stressful and time consuming but it shouldnt make you not love eachother and hold that feeling for months on end....

What does the counsellor think?? I hope for you that you get closure to this, whether it be together or apart but dont put your life on hold indefinitely. Easy for me to say but he might respect you more if you were a bit firmer and knew what YOU wanted from this. If he cant give you that, then you cant stay waiting forever.

Sorry if thats harsh but I mean it in a nice way. I hope ye can work it out if thats what you want.

by **Claresey** » Thu Apr 05, 2022 6:31 pm

Ill be 100% honest with you, I dont know if Id be able to stick around as long as you are. Do you honestly think he will be able to turn things around inside and fall madly in love with you again? All relationships have rough patches but at this stage Id wonder if you will ever feel 100% happy in this relationship again. Wouldnt you be worried he would start to feel like this again, even if he did tell you he was in love with you? I think everyone deserves to be in a loving relationship, you deserve better than this darlin. Good luck, I hope it works out great for you either way.

by **dizzynow** » Sun Apr 15, 2022 10:39 am

I know how your feeling, my husband is saying the same.

We had an arguement at xmas and since then ive been in no mans land, he wont go to a councillor and just says he doesnt knw what he wants, he sats he doesnt know when iask does he want us to work or if he wants to try and work on it.

Im close to giving up now, this is no way to be living, feeling unhappy like this.

Everything was fine up till then and utd like a switch just turned off and im actually starting to not like the man i love!!!!

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