We had the talk - it's over

by **chigli** » Wed Mar 14, 2022 11:12 pm

Of course I don't have the guts to tell my own family but we had the talk tonight and after months, nay, years of fighting and basis incompatibility we have decided to separate.
We have two young kids - 3 & 1 - and it's so not fair on them. I just can't stand him anymore - nor him me.

I am just not sure where we go from here .., we bought a house together but that it is so much debt! How do I walk away without bankrupting myself - where do I go from here,who should I contact - a lawyer, a financial consultant?

Has anybody been through this and can offer some advice?? Please help

by **mommalou** » Thu Mar 15, 2022 12:09 am

Oh my god my heart goes out to you. Do you feel ok about it ?? I guess if ye were not getting on there should be a sence of relief about having made the decision.

I don;t know any details about finance or solicitors, but I'm sure there are loads of girls on here that can help. I find these forums so supportive and helpful.

I'm thinking of you and hope that you have made the right decision for you.
Send me a pm if you want to discuss anything in private

take care of yourself :xox

Bonnie Parker · by **Bonnie Parker** » Thu Mar 15, 2022 1:13 am

I don't have any experience, but I suppose the practical side of things should be addressed first. Is he going to move out? My advice is to stay put at the moment - with the kids. And maybe ask him to move out until things can be sorted finance wise. At least the kids will not be uprooted and it will give you some space. I realize that this may not be a financial practicality - but it's a must really.

You should visit a family lawyer if you are married?- maybe someone could recommend someone in your area? I don't really think there is any point in visiting a financial consultant. Your (ex)partner will remain liable for his portion of the mortgage. He will also have to pay maintenance.
On a practical level if you were to take over the mortgage solely, with the removal of his name, you would have to reapply for the mortgage based on your sole income.

You should consider if you are entitled to any Social Welfare. If he moves out, you may qualify for One Parent Family if your income does not exceed the threshold. There are also a host of other payments such a FIS etc. If this is relevant to you, make an appointment to meet with your Community Welfare Officer.
A trip to citizens information may provide you with some general information on separation/divorce.
MABS is also an option if you are in a severe financial situation.
I also think that there is a single parent tax credit available.
A lot of this may not be relevant to your situation!

Maybe it is worth a call to Accord or similar - for closure and support even if you have ruled out reconciliation.
You should talk to supportive family and friends. Take care of yourself.

Littlebo · by **Littlebo** » Thu Mar 15, 2022 1:55 am

So sorry for you and really nothing I can say except do exactly as Bonnie has said. That really is great advice and make sure that you and your Children are taken care of and protected.

I hope things get easier for you and I wish you all the best, really do.

magss · by **magss** » Thu Mar 15, 2022 11:15 am

so sorry to hear your news.. it must be very difficult for you... you possibly need to speak to a trusted family member or good friend..

a problem shared .....

seek advice and best of luck with it

xxx

by **cloakndagger** » Thu Mar 15, 2022 1:57 pm

i have just sent you a pm

Meggi · by **Meggi** » Thu Mar 15, 2022 5:11 pm

God that's sad. But hopefully there is a sense of relief for you also. I would suggest going to family mediation, don't think you have to be married. They can give you advice on finanical matters, house issues, maintenance etc. I know someone who used them when seperating before getting a divorce and found them invaluable.

Best of luck to you.

Mari yay · by **Mari yay** » Thu Mar 15, 2022 7:25 pm

So sorry to hear that, but it's a brave decision.
+1 to what Bonnie said, great advice there.
Best of luck whatever happens

Luka · by **Luka** » Thu Mar 15, 2022 7:37 pm

Hi Chigli,

I had commented on your other post, before I saw this thread. I hope you are feeling ok, I'm sure you must be relieved in a way to have come to a decision.

If you go to the Citizens info website, there is a section on Family & relationships, which links onto seperation etc.

http://www.citizensinformation.ie/en/bi ... tionships/

Hope this helps.

SookieStackhouse · by **SookieStackhouse** » Thu Mar 15, 2022 8:28 pm

Very sorry to hear this. A friend of mine went through the same last year. She found citizens advice helpful. Think Bonnie offers some good advice. The first while will be hard but I hope like my friend, you find you're happier in time.
She has small kids too and while I wouldn't say it has had no affect on them I do think it has been easier for them then if they had been older.

Luka · by **Luka** » Sun Mar 18, 2022 8:39 pm

Just wanted to say Happy mother's day if that doesn't sound inappropriate- thinking of you :thnk

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