Maybe breaking up.. UPDATE broken up

by **lovefizz** » Mon Apr 02, 2022 3:41 pm

Oh my heart just goes out to you. I really hope that everything works out for you. The fact that you have to endure this every day must be exhausting. I hope that it all gets better soon.

by **anon2608** » Mon Apr 02, 2022 6:58 pm

Im so sorry to hear about your heartache. I went through something similar with my OH last year. We have been together 7 yrs and living together a yr and I thought we were both on the same page about moving forward. i.e getting enegaged. We were planning stuff and going to wedding fairs and I thought we would be engaged by summer when all of a sudden he seemed to change his mind and said that he didnt know if he ever wanted to get married. I was devastated, it was so strange but when i thought about it he had been acting strange for a little while, he seemed more distant and quiet and then this all came out.

It was such a hard time and he ended up moving out but we still wanted to try and work on our relationship. we even had a huge hol planned that we had to go on because it was already paid for which was strange but it gave a chance to really talk. When we got home we broke up and I completley cut all ties between us so i could try and move on but he kept trying to contact me and said he couldnt imagine his life without me (quite like you) eventually we met up after a couple of weeks and he realised how much I meant to him and that it only took a few days for him to realise what he had lost and wanted us to get married in the future. I think it was the fact that he had no pressure from me or anyone else to make up his mind, he needed to realise it on his own.

He was going through a very stressful time in work,college etc and it just got too much for him. We have gone to councelling together and it really helped us. we are back on track and want the same things again and its better than ever. I think sometimes men dont really know how to deal with stress very well and it ends up getting too much for them and they kinda have what I think can be miny breakdowns. I think if you keep going to councelling and try and give him space to think about whats really going on then there could be hope. It just depends on how long it takes and how long you are willing to wait. I really hope this helps, best of luck

FastLane · by **FastLane** » Sun Apr 22, 2022 5:53 pm

Hi everyone,

Thanks again for all the replies I had to this a few weeks ago. Unfortunately, things haven't worked out and my OH broke up with me last week. We had just moved house, were both (separately) going for counselling, and things had, I thought, started to get a bit better.

This day last week, he told me that he did really love me and was sorry for "being so weird" recently, and he was really affectionate and things really seemed to be a bit better. Then on Thursday evening he came back from his session with the counsellor and I don't even remember how the conversation started, but it ended in us breaking up. The next day and night were just horrible, both of us really upset and I left to come home yesterday.

I just can't believe that this is happening and I can't wrap my head around it at all. Every so often it hits me that I'm not going back to live with him, that we're not together anymore. I can't stop crying and I have no idea what I'm going to do now, I'd given up a job and a life here to go to England with him, and now I feel like I have nothing to come back to. I can't face the thought of going back to work out my notice at my job there, but I think I'll have to. It just feels like this is never going to get better, I'm so heartbroken. I love him so much and I know that he used to love me absolutely, I can't understand why it changed so much. I can't believe that I have to live without him now, it's so far removed from what I thought my future would be.

by **Mrssailor** » Sun Apr 22, 2022 6:02 pm

So sorry it didn't work out Fastlane. I don't have much advise for you right now other than to look after yourself as much as you can. Lean on the people around you as much as you can. you will get through this as bleak as things are right now. Thinking of you and sending you love.

by **anon55** » Sun Apr 22, 2022 6:32 pm

Hi,
I pm'd you, x

gottabfp · by **gottabfp** » Sun Apr 22, 2022 7:18 pm

Hi fastlane, i am so so devastated for you. I hope somehow and very soon that things get easier for you and everything works out for the best

by **Cathy34** » Sun Apr 22, 2022 9:13 pm

I am so sorry :-(

veggie84 · by **veggie84** » Sun Apr 22, 2022 9:52 pm

I have used this when dealing with my dads cancer. It works sometimes even though it sounds cliche.

Take one day at a time. Try (I know its hard) not to think to far ahead. Surround yourself with friends and family even when it may seem like you want to b alone. exercise.

I wish you the very best

Littlebo · by **Littlebo** » Sun Apr 22, 2022 10:21 pm

You poor thing, this is terrible thing for you to have to go through. Please try and look after yourself and surround yourself with friends and family. They will be there for you and talk and talk to them as much as you can. You also need to give yourself plenty of time to grieve as well. This has been a big emotional upheavel for you and the heartbreak is devastating for you.

I know it's hard to even contemplate but eventually the ache will weaken as time goes on and believe me I know this is hard to even think about but life will get better.

I am so sorry you have to go through this and please stay talking here as it does do good and you will get lots of support here.

FastLane · by **FastLane** » Mon Apr 23, 2022 12:15 pm

Thanks so much everyone for your kind replies. I'm at home with my parents at the moment and all my family are being great, I'm very lucky. Despite that, I just want to be there with him, and it's absolutely breaking my heart to think that that's not going to happen.
I have times when I think that I just have to carry on and move on.. and then 2 minutes later I'm crying again and just can't believe what's happened to my life. I know that there's no point being in a relationship that isn't working.. but I thought ours was and that's why it's so hard to imagine that it's just all over now.
I've never gone through anything like this before and I'm just so so lost, and sad. He has just texted me to ask if I'm ok, but I don't even know what to say to him. I think he's hurting a lot himself too so I'm worried about him and I just want to go back and make things better for us, I wish he had tried harder instead of just throwing 9 years away. :o(

How am I going to start getting over this girls? :o(

Finicky Fi · by **Finicky Fi** » Mon Apr 23, 2022 12:23 pm

It will take a long time.
Don't feel bad about feeling bad.
Allow yourself to go through all the emotions.
And if you can at all, don't communicate with your ex.
Take care of yourself.
All the best. :thnk

buddylove · by **buddylove** » Mon Apr 23, 2022 5:13 pm

I dont have any real advice for you but I really really want to wish you well. I hope you find happiness in your life and get the love you deserve.

Best of luck

by **Cathy34** » Mon Apr 23, 2022 5:26 pm

Fastlane, if I can give you one piece of advice - no contact will help, I promise. Hugs to you

FastLane · by **FastLane** » Mon Apr 23, 2022 8:15 pm

Thanks everyone,

I know a few people have advised no contact, but it's so difficult. I know that I will have to see him at some point, as I'll need to go back to England to move all my stuff home. Depending on what happens with my job I'll need to spend a few weeks back there to work out my notice.

I am trying though, he texted earlier and I haven't replied but it's killing me. I bought him a book last week online before all this happened that he got today so texted to see how I am and say thanks. It's so hard not to reply and see how he is, but I think it will just hurt more if he seems ok :o(

Finicky Fi · by **Finicky Fi** » Mon Apr 23, 2022 8:31 pm

It's the hardest thing, but if you do want to move on, it's the only way.
He can't have it his way. He's hurt you. He can't be your friend now.

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