Hi all,

i have been on and off here in the last 2 years since our wedding due to a fallout at the wedding with me and MIL- i wont go into it chapter and verse but she made a holy show of me and my family as well as hers the day after our wedding, manipulated my DH and has been doing so ever since. relationship has been strained since to say the least but recently we agreed to just see each other occasions which suited me fine (despite their efforts to have me there at their beck and call!). last time i seem her was for my FIL birthday at their house when she completely blanked me- i told my dh who confronted her after only to be told that it was cos i didnt make an effort to go for the meal (despite me telling my dh that my optician appt had run over and so i would end up eating late when they had already eaten and which my dh was fine with as i agreed to go there for a drink after). mil and fil threw my dh out of the house for daring to defend me!- to say i was fuming is an understatement- i am beyond caring what they think of me at this stage- i couldnt care less have been hurt and ignored too many times for daring to stand up to the sugar!! now i havent seen them since and agreed with dh that i am not seeing them any time soon after the last time! so his princess of a sister (who has done her own bit of stirring in all of this) has come over on holiday lke she does every opp she can to dump her kids off and we all have to jump to her tune !i said i was not going so dh went and came back like a lunatic! asking again why i could not go -= why i could not move on etc etc..... !!! naturally i was fuming at this after our last agreement on this subject and cant help thinking that even though he said its him that wants things back to how they wre(they never can be too much hurt there for me) that they are stirring in the background. It was my birthday the weekend and because she sent me a happy birthday text (which i did respond thanks too against my better judgement) apparantly that is her making an effort with me- yet on at least 3 occasions since I have been blatantly ignored and treated like a pariah!! DH is full of apologies today and said that although he is gutted and will never fully understand my side (which is frustrating to say the least) that he will tell them tonite not to expect to see me anytime soon and verse versa! Now the proud person in me is happy with this (coulnt care less if i never seen any of them again believe me) but the other part of me is wondeing if i should be more supportive of my dh in this who although is definately not helping this situation despite his best efforts but i do feel for him as he just wants things to be amicable! the other thing is that i very much doubt that that will be the end of it anyway. I just resent them all so much (his brothers and sisters have done nothing to help and his FIL just goes along with her for an easy life) and i am worried we will resent each other because of this as its just tearing us apart.
sorry for such a long post- tried to condense but i guess i have a lot of pent up frustration and would really appreciate any advice this time as i got some great help when this first happend...thank you

Not much advice i can give u only that ur DH should be supporting u,im new to ur situation as i havent seen any previous posts relating to this.... but ur in laws seem to be a real pain and ur DH should be supporting u and telling them same.....

His mother seems to be a bit of a bully(mayb thats a little harsh) but she seems to control every1 in the family and her jealous of u has been rubbed of on them....

Correct me if im wrong!!!!

hi mrs duffy, thanks for your reply, Unfortunately you are right - she is a complete bully- she manipulates everyone in her family including their partners- have seen it with my DH brothers fiance- she caused hell for her years ago (they always had a fiery relationship) but now cause she bends over backwards for an easy life for herself and kids they get on like a house on fire which is typical of the woman- she wants everyone to pander her every whim and because i refuse to any more - she dosent like it- despite the fact that for the best part of 8 years before the wedding - i did not put a foot wrong and respected her and them all! i agree dh should be supporting me more and should have from the very beginning but i think one of the biggest problems is that he has grown up in that environment (they all used to argue alot and the woman would always play up- she is definately unhinged and i see her behaviour getting alot worse as she gets older) and thinks that it is normal behaviour for the mother to behave the way she does and get away with it- she has fallen out with practically everyone she knows and also with my mother who refuses to talk to her since the wedd and who never liked her but tolerated her for my sake. He just thinks that i should be able to forget the way i have been treated and move on like they do after a row but I just cant as its not normal in my book and its happened to many times for me to keep brushing her behaviour off.

Hi worriedmarried,

I was in a similar situation to this (not a bad thank god) but basically didn't really get on with FMIL as she liked things her own way and had to be the one in charge. All came to a head one day when she just went a step too far for me. My OH asked me 'could I not just be the bigger person' which I thought was very unfair as when I broke it down for him he realised that he was asking me to be constantly unhappy in order for his mother to get her own way again so he could have an easy life. I was lucky in that he backed me and now we have a mutual understanding that we stay out of each others way and are polite when in each others company.

I don't really have much advice for you as each situation is different but I would say that you and your OH happiness are what is important in your life. Sometimes the only way to defeat a bully is to stand up to them??? I don't know if that is even an option for you at this stage? Best of luck no matter what you decide to do

hi shoecrazybride,
thanks for your post,it really helps to know to know that my situation is not uncommon- you just have to look back on previous posts here... i was all willing to do my bit when I had to but i just feel its thrown back in my face every time to the point where i really strongly feel that i never want to see them again! i know that i am just resenting her and the rest of them more and more as we just cant seem to get on with our lives without this coming back and haunting us.
i really feel it is way beyond discussin this with her now (would turn into full scale war i am sure and i just dont feel it would achive anything as you cannot reason with the woman!)
i hate seeing my dh so upset about it but i need him to see that i cant keep giving it as she will just continue to behave like this for the rest of our lives! i hope beyond hope my dh means what he says and that he will accept the situation this time as I dont know how much more strain this marriage can take
thanks again x

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