I really need your help

by **Iris12** » Sun May 06, 2022 10:07 pm

I am a long time user here but didn't want to post under my own handle.

I've spoke to NOBODY about anything I am goin to post here but I think I have hit a wall and need some advice or maybe need to get it out there. Please don't quote it incase I want to delete it.

Myself and my hubby are over I have know it for a long time but with everything that has happened today and yesterday I just havent got the will to live like this anymore. Am sooo upset writing this that I can't even see the screen.

He treats me like sh&te screams at me and won't listen to anything I say, he has hit me in the pass and when we have an argument he will push, shove and grap me he is a bully I know this only too well but have no where to turn, have no friends (I just stop contacting them as have been so down) and they just moved on, can't talk to my family as my parents are old and wouldn't be able to go through this, my other family members are miles away and have their own lives and won't be able to help anyway. I don't know where to turn I can't leave as I have no where to go and he said he won't leave the house (I've 3 small kids) so am stuk am losing my mind I really am I am so lonely I feel like I am a freak am trying to put on a brave face and am so tired of it all only for the kids I wouldn't be here and that is sooo hard to say but am miserable and nowhere to turn.

It was my birthday a few weeks ago and he picked an argument over nothing so I brought the kids out on my own and he's still not talking to me I spent the day on my own and nobody saying anything to me, am heartbroken, don't want to live like this anymore but what can I do? Help

by **weevle2012** » Sun May 06, 2022 10:50 pm

I'm not quite sure what to say but couldn't read and not reply. I know u say you haven't been in contact with friends in a while but you should really contact one of them. Even if I haven't spoken to someone in 10 years and they contacted me for help I would do anything I could and I am sure your friends will feel the same. Even though your family is miles away they can still help. Maybe talk to your doctor as it's confidential and they may be able to put you in touch with people who can help you. You can NOT stay in this situation with an abusive man. It is not good for you or your children, you are worth more than this. Keep coming on here for support. Your husband is a f****r of the highest order and I hope he gets his comeuppance but in the meantime u need to get away from him.

by **newbaby2010** » Mon May 07, 2022 8:56 am

Im very very sorry to hear your post.

I hope you are ok today.

You need support - as the last user said would you contact a friend, even if you havent been in contact for a while. You can change things, you know, it will be fine in the end, you will get through things, and things will be much better.

No doubt other wollies will have contact details and ideas for online and/or phone support, and I just wanted to say that Im thinking of you and sending you virtual hugs and cups of tea

Stay in touch with us xxxxx

mrs mammy · by **mrs mammy** » Mon May 07, 2022 9:05 am

I know you say your family lives a good bit away but Im sure if they knew you were in this situation they would be down to you like a shot to help. You need to speak to someone, could you call whichever sibling you are closest to and tell them? Also, talking to your dr is a great idea (if you have a good one who will listen).

woolly · by **woolly** » Mon May 07, 2022 10:19 am

Women's Aid freephone 1800 341 900

by **Mrs2B2013** » Mon May 07, 2022 10:43 am

Hi There,
I hope your ok. I second what the previous wollies have said, no matter how long it's been since you have been intouch with your friends, they would, i'm sure, do anything they can to help you. Chances are, they know exactly what your husband is like & infact one of the main characteristics of an abusive husband is to isolate his wife from her family & friends, so I really think your friends will understand alot more then you might think.
As for your family, no matter where they live, I am sure that if they knew you were going through this they would do anything they can to help you. If it were the other way round, i'm sure you wouldn't think twice. Of course people have their own lives to lead, but it doesn't mean that when a loved one needs help/support they can't be there.

The first step is to get in touch & reach out to them. You don't deserve they way you're being treated & it's not your fault. It's not good for your chidren either & you need to get out & get them out.

wishing you loads of courage & luck - you're stronger then you think & please get intouch with some family & friends and support lines. :xxx

by **Iris12** » Mon May 07, 2022 7:46 pm

Thanks girls for your advice I really wish it was that easy most of those friends are his friends as well and as they are all going out or married to his best friends I don't want them been caught up in this mess. The only friends I really have aren't in a postion to help me they have there own problems and don want to be adding to it my best friend has just had a baby and that's how we have t been in contact as everytime we arrange to met last minute (I am walking out the door) she texts and said she has to cancel, this really took its toll on me so I left it up to her when she was ready and I never heard from her again.

I would just love if he left, I can't go as I have no where to go with 3 young kids I am stuck here. I told him today that I am here for the kids and I am having nothing more to do with him, I have been in the spare room for ages anyway. I just never pictured my life like this it is a living nightmare at the mo.

But am so glad I can talk it out here. Thanks

by **Autumn12 bride** » Mon May 07, 2022 8:23 pm

iris

you really need to get yourself into citizens advice but more importantly family law court. if you are in an abusive relationship and you are in fear, get a protection order out with the intention of a barring order. that way you will get to stay in the family home. I don't kno wot ur financial situation is but there is legal aid for those who need it most (based on proof of means). I hope this helps but it is not healthy for you or your children to be subjected to an environment like that.

wishin you well, be brave their is support out there

veggie84 · by **veggie84** » Mon May 07, 2022 11:12 pm

Please contact someone, women's aid or legal advice. I am a teacher and have had to console children in school after they heard mammy and daddy fighting/shouting. They hear everything. A hostile environment is not good for them.

I wish you the best.

by **Ca cest moi** » Tue May 08, 2022 11:02 am

So sorry to hear you are going through this and really don't know what I can add to it all except to say this is good advice from Autumn12 bride. You need to get things in order and documented to give yourself options in the months ahead and get some feeling of control back over your life. My heart goes out to you.

Autumn12 bride wrote:iris

you really need to get yourself into citizens advice but more importantly family law court. if you are in an abusive relationship and you are in fear, get a protection order out with the intention of a barring order. that way you will get to stay in the family home. I don't kno wot ur financial situation is but there is legal aid for those who need it most (based on proof of means). I hope this helps but it is not healthy for you or your children to be subjected to an environment like that.

wishin you well, be brave their is support out there

candlequeen · by **candlequeen** » Wed May 09, 2022 12:10 am

Iris, please, PLEASE contact a member of your family. Please. Don't let it get any worse, please do not subject yourself to any more mental and physical abuse. Don't consider yourself a 'burden' or 'problem' on anyone - my god, what would you do if a friend rang you and told you they were going through this? Would you say 'oh sorry, I've my own problems' - of COURSE you wouldn't, you'd help. Please, PLEASE PLEASE call someone.

I had a very narrow escape from a violent relationship when I was 17-18 - I truly believe if it weren't for a friend who insisted on helping even when I told him I didn't need help, I'd be dead now.

I KNOW it's hard. I KNOW you feel isolated, probably depressed, worthless - sweetheart, please, do it for yourself and do it ASAP. Phone somebody. Pack a bag. Get out. You can do all the legal stuff afterwards, when you have time to clear your head and talk things through with a friend or family member. No-one in this world would turn away a friend in need of help. Phone somebody. Do it for yourself and do it for your children, before it gets worse.

The very best of luck to you, my heart is aching for you. I hope to God you get the courage to walk, you're better than this, you deserve more than this, your kids deserve more than this.

Stay strong, you can do it x

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