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I know everyone is probably bored to death reading about BM issues but I need to vent or Im going to end up losing it with her!! My best friend of 15 years is my bridesmaid along with my 2 sisters. My sisters are no problem but my friend is really upsetting me over things she has said/done and I dont know what to do about it. Ive tried talking to her but she just keeps changing the subject every time I bring it up. Here are the highlights of things she has done to date
1. Telling me that she'll be married well before me the day I booked my wedding (she's still not engaged yet so I dont really see this happening)
2. 9 months before the wedding telling me she was going to start trying for a baby that month (still no sign of pregnancy as of yet)
3. Turning up to her bridesmaid dress fitting an hour late with ten minutes to go before the shop closed and being dog ignorant to the shop owner when she told her what size she had to order the dress in
4. Calling my sister a"skinny b%&*h" when she knows my sister is really paranoid about being underweight.
5. I got everyones email/phone number, prices for the hen etc, gave her all the information and asked her just to let people know what the plans were. Literally a month later I ended up having to contact people myself as she just didnt do it despite telling me she would
6. Leaving me late for my dress fitting because I was sitting outside her house so as we could go together but she wouldnt answer the door or her phone and then texting me a week later with no apology to say that she couldnt make it as she was busy!!!!!
7. Telling me that she cant get excited about my wedding because theres nothin in it for her
8. Telling me that I must be dreading the day because the wedding that Ive planned is her idea of hell.
9. Telling my OH that she hopes he dies when he was doing a skydive a few weeks ago.

This is all just the tip of the iceberg to be honest and now Im dreading my hen because she does nothing but give out about all of my other friends.

Sorry for the rant but I just dont know what to do with her!!!!!

Why on earth are you even friends with this woman? Putting aside the BM issues (I know brides have different views on the 'jobs' involved in being a BM), she just doesn't sound like a very nice person. I'd be seriously reconsidering whether you even want her in your pictures on the day as an 'official' member of the bridal party, never mind having her involved in the ceremony etc. Would you not politely tell her you've decided to reduce the bridal party size for 'insert money woes, family issues or other excuse here' and cut her loose?

Holy crap. Thats unreal and as said above by ACS why is she even your friend? I would seriously think about whether I want her at the wedding, never mind as a BM. As harsh as this might sound she comes across as a toxic friend and you should really think about why she is in your life at at all.

In my head I know just how bad she has gotten but a little part of me was hoping someone here would call me a bridezilla and tell me to cop on but even as I was writing the first post I was crying thinking about how much she really has upset me. Shes been with me through thick and thin up until now and we lived together for years!! Even if I grin and bear it our friendship will never be the same after everything.

Isnt it amazing how normal, sane people change??? Im the one whos supposed to be going crazy and making everyones life hell lol !!!

Your wedding is meant to be one of the happiest days of you and your partners life and you should surround yourself with people who love you and want you to have a fabulous day. By the sounds of it, your best friend seems more concerned about what's going on her her life. To be honest, reading your post it seems that she is bit jealous of you. Do you think that's possible? I know you have known each other for years, but people change and sometimes move on. What do you think a best friend means?
A friend to me is someone who loves and supports me and is there for me no matter what, and gets excited for me when I have good news like getting engaged! Thats the friend that I try to be too. Does she tick any of those boxes?
You have to do what's right for you and what will make you feel stress free and happy on the day. It's definitely not an easy one to resolve as you don't want to hurt her (although she hasn't worried too much about not hurting you with her comments and actions) but put yourself first and do what's right for you and your special day. You only get to do it once!!
Best of luck whatever you decide :-)

Char27 wrote:In my head I know just how bad she has gotten but a little part of me was hoping someone here would call me a bridezilla and tell me to cop on but even as I was writing the first post I was crying thinking about how much she really has upset me. Shes been with me through thick and thin up until now and we lived together for years!! Even if I grin and bear it our friendship will never be the same after everything.

Isnt it amazing how normal, sane people change??? Im the one whos supposed to be going crazy and making everyones life hell lol !!!

If it helps, I had a similar issue with a friend before my wedding. Now, she was not a BM as I only ever wanted to have my sister, but she was a good friend and someone I thought I could count on. Until I couldn't any more and I'm still none the wiser. I'm not going to pull the 'she was jealous' card that's so often played on WOL, I genuinely haven't a clue why my friend withdrew from the friendship and turned from the lovely, reliable, sane, nice person I'd be friends with for years to someone I, in hindsight, shouldn't even have asked to my wedding. If I've any advice for you OP its to focus on how she is acting now and not the good times. I know I can never go back to 'the way things were' with my friend because the damage is done and I couldn't place the same importance on our friendship as I did before. I'd always be waiting for her to 'turn' again. My 'friend' let me down on the wedding day and at the time it was very, very hurtful. Just something to bear in mind, as the last thing you need on the big day is to be worrying about someone's behaviour or how they might let you down.

Oh my god, she is one horrible person and I definitely wouldn't want her in my life, the only way to get through to her, is literally call her on everything she is doing and saying and tell her that's she's completley out of line and ask her why is she being like this!If she can't see what she's doing or saying is wrong then she doesn't deserve to be in your life, I think maybe a part of her is jealous considering she thought she's be married before you and then how coincidental that she wanted to start trying for a baby 9 months before the wedding, then telling you your wedding is her idea of hell, eh hello it's YOUR wedding and you'll have it the way you want it, like she will have hers the way she wants it, if it ever happens, she clearly wants the attention to be focused on her, I'd ask her out right does she even want to be bridesmaid because she has a funny way of showing it! Sorry for the rant but I'm shocked at the things she said and done and feel so sorry for you

Thank you so much everyone, you've all reaffirmed what I knew but didnt want to admit to. I think its going to have to be a good long firm talk, pray that she hasnt realised how cruel she has been, resolve things and move on as BFFs again or else just be honest and say that things cant continue as theres no point in her being a miserable bridesmaid and me panicking about what she is/isnt going to do on the day itself.

Wish me luck and Ill let you know how it goes xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Ah I'm so sorry to hear your story. Your "friend" sounds like a right cow...
As another wollie has already said - how are you still friends with someone like this??

You have to lay it on the line with her. Tell her all the things thats upset you and you can't be dealing with that on the day. If she doesn't wanna be BM I would just let her be. She doesn't sound like a very good friend to me.

I've 3 BMs - two friends and my younger sister. My sister is only still a kid so I don't expect much of her but the other two have been great so far. Really into it and coming up with ideas and suggestions.

How can some people be so cruel...She is one jealous b***h...U have all she wants to have and thats why she is being a right pain in the ass..God love you...Could you try and drop hints about getting rid of her and that might shut her up...Dont let her spoil your day cos thats all she is trying to do....

Oh God love you. I'm in a similar posiiton. My besf friend for 15 years has turned into a ticking timebomb!!! I can't rely on, and it came to a head for me about 2years ago when I desperately needed her and she just ignored me. Since that time I have met a friend who I believe is an absolute legend. She gets me, we have fun, we are in the same stages of our lives and we have been there for each other through thick and thin for two years now (complete oposite to my other friend). So basically, I am having my new friend as my BM. My other friend doesn't even know I have set a date and started planning as she only contacts me when she needs something!!!

I haven't broke the news to her yet and I know that will be fun times but I think I'm just gonna be honest and say other friend is BM, I know she will not like this but I think it will kill two birds with one stone and get her out of my life for good. Sounds mean and horrible but I have learned that people should only be in your life if they add value, not if they depress or drain you.

Hope you sort this out, my solution to you is to take her of the wedding party altogether. Keep the conversation short, no big heart to hearts as you will not mean them, there is too much water under the bridge now. Get her out of your life, life is far too short. Harsh but ture, you can't live on the good memories that probably was ten years ago. Some people grow apart, if it was a boyfriend you would soon tell them! Good luck!

omg!! what a cow I know it's easy for us all to say but think it's time to cut the cord. Jealous or not there is no excuse for her to be so rude and hurtful to you it's appalling behaviour by anyone let alone someone who is/was close enough to you for you to include her in you big day.

jeez, i think you're being way too compassionate even considering trying to talk any further to this woman, easy and all as that is for me to say. she doesn't just sound moody, but nasty & vindictive. as the others have said, i'd cut her loose. don't know if i'd even invite her to the wedding as she sounds like she'd make it her business to try & spoil your day.

i can only sympathise with your heartache that is terrible for you. i would definately +1 on what all the other wollies have said above and that you need to get this person out of your life. if it was your oh and his bm having this issue, you would most certainly give him the same advice. i think you knew this before coming on here but you wanted affirmation that what you felt was right. please let us know how you get on. love and hugs!! xx

Hi Char27, just wanted to send my support. I agree with what the other Woolies have said. My jaw was falling further to the floor as I read through your list. You just don't need someone like that around trying to rain on your parade. She should be rowing in behind what you want to do and be supportive. It never fails to amaze me how insensitive and selfish people can be. Sending you a big hug. xxx