Christening your children...

zoesmama · by **zoesmama** » Tue May 08, 2022 3:01 pm

Both of us were raised in Christian faiths. DH is religious and I have lost my faith in the last few years. We got married in a Religious ceremony and our kids are both christened as DH wanted that and I respected that and did not object to it. The kids go to a Multi-Denominational School and DH gives them any religious education and brings them to church. I do not attend. He feels strongly about it and I do not so that's what is working for us.

bananabread · by **bananabread** » Tue May 08, 2022 5:17 pm

I am actually very uncomfortable with infant baptisms, I just don't think its fair to begin indoctrinating a baby into any religion and you can't ever 'officially' leave the church now they've 'clarified' the rules.

I was actually pondering the idea of "original sin" in relation to newborn babies. Seems crazy to me to be honest. I didn't realise the rules for "count me out" or whatever had been changed.

Jamjars, not sure if I see it as being hypocritical to look at some of the varying options, in partaking in one aspect of the church and not others. I am sure many would say that it is hypocritical, but I feel we can choose what we want like in most aspects of life. Maybe it does mean I shouldn't belong to the church, but that is where I'm at in my head at the moment anyway.

Hestia, I think most people would consider the either / or option in most aspects of life. I think it gets people into all sorts of conundrums when there are other ways around it. Not sure that I have quite found my own way out of this one yet, but am working on it. As I've said I think the customs and the traditions are more binding than what the church says really. That has probably always been the way, but people understand a lot more now and don't have to accept it.

hestia · by **hestia** » Tue May 08, 2022 7:19 pm

Perhaps in aspects of life people do, Broodymissus, but that is vastly different to making assumptions of other people and condemning them to neat little boxes in order to manage concepts of religious participation and hypocrisy. The idea of live and let live is a very appealing aspiration to drop in conversations when it suits ourselves, applying it to other people however seems a trickier endeavour. Life is a bit more complex than a case of it being either one or the other. No more is this apparent than participation in religion. Many people, including non-believers and otherwise, are willing to engage in discussion given the opportunity, and more importantly - the willingness of other people to engage with them.

There are two elements for consideration - the evolutionary role of the Godparent, and the selection criteria for that role. Neither are based on core Catholic teachings or dogma, they are rules that were prescribed along the way. It would be interesting to hear what some of the priests who have been censured would say on the matter. The application of reason is an integral part of Catholic doctrine, and the development of its theological teachings, as headscratching as that may seem. These priests are testing that "ethos" by resurrecting the case for women priests, contraception and the abolishment of celibacy. This would also seem pretty consistent with life as it is predominantly lived by its laity. These man-made rules have unfortunately remained static. Similarly, the issue of Godparents is abandoned by all, and most arguments lead to convenient cul-de-sacs into the shade of full-stops with all hint of reasoned discussion deflected by charges of hypocrisy. The sudden obedient and deferential quoting of the "rules" in relation to Godparents is startling, and some would say hypocritical in itself, but how helpful would that be really? Catholics don't want to be hypocritical but what is it they do want? That's probably the best starting point. The responsibility of the laity in contributing to the notion of reform and renewal. Aloud, as well as privately. The church may be governed by a non-democratic hierarchy but this is 2012, its people are educated and have more ownership over their moral choices. The street protest organised by ordinary Catholics in support of the aforementioned priests last week was one of the most heartening scenes I'd witnessed in a long time. Irrespective of my personal beliefs, I'm a defender of people's right to religious participation but it's beginning to wear a bit thin in the face of shallow, rule quoting and myopic righteousness. It does not tally with the private practices of believers.

It is not up to me to tell Catholics what to believe, and it's not up Catholics to tell each other how to behave, but if they are any way serious about wanting reform, then a move beyond the threadbare charges of hypocrisy and squaring want with what could be would be a refreshing, and honest, start. Religious and non-religious views might seem be incompatible but honouring others' wishes is not new or impossible.

micls · by **micls** » Wed May 09, 2022 8:42 am

We're atheists so wouldn't be christening any future children. I feel strongly about the CC, and not in a good way, so I would try to avoid it as much as possible.

I've certainly done what some would consider hypocrisy though. I'm a godmother. I was asked at a young age, before the stronger feelings developed. The person asking was aware of my beliefs but wanted me anyway as they viewed it in more of a cultural than religious way. I explained I felt it could be a bit offensive to some guest for me to lie in their church, but she said no one minded. The words meant nothing to me so I agreed. I was only 16 at the time and I'm not sure how I'd react now in the same scenario.

I also worked in a Catholic school and was part of the 'indoctrination'. Tbh it made me feel horribly guilty but it was a job. Unfortunately there's just not enough educate together schools yet for there to be enough jobs for all the non-catholic teachers so you do what you must. Not in that situation anymore and would think carefully before returning.

LadyLayla · by **LadyLayla** » Wed May 09, 2022 9:16 am

DH and I are expecting our first baby and the issue of whether or not to baptise has come up. I was raised Catholic but would now consider myself an agnostic if I had to label myself. DH was raised COI but is now an atheist. We did get married in the COI but that was more for convenience than any religious leanings.

I would prefer not to baptise our baby and to send them to an Educate Together school so religion would not be an issue. However, DH would prefer to have them baptised in the COI and send them to the COI school that he attended. He views it as more of a cultural/social thing than religious i.e. most of his friends, family, social group are COI. I'm not completely opposed to sending them to the COI school but I am aware that although the school is required to teach World Religion, the focus would be on the COI faith. And I'm not entirely comfortable with baptising a child for the sake of it if we don't plan to raise them in the faith.

On the other hand, there are a number of excellent COI private schools (mainly secondary) in our area so having our child baptised in the COI would pretty much guarantee them a place in one of those. So I'd say at this point it will end up being a compromise situation. Our position at the moment is that we will baptise them in the COI but send them to an Educate Together or other non-denominational school. Neither of us will be entirely happy with the compromise but at least we will have more options in relation to schooling later.

Of course ideally all schools would be non-denominational so the issue of baptising for the sake of getting into a school wouldn't come up but that's another argument!

BusyDee · by **BusyDee** » Wed May 09, 2022 10:34 am

jamjars wrote:
What does get my goat is people that make a huge song and dance about NOT getting married in a church, how completely wrong it is, that then go and christen their children... ??

I agree I hate this too. I actually think it's so disrespectful. My sister (of all people) asked me when dd was a few weeks old "so when are you having the christening"!! She knows how I feel about the church and she was bm at our civil ceremony wedding and she still thought we would christen dd O:|

When I said "well we we hardly be christening her when we didn't get married in a church" she said "oh I don't know sure doesn't everyone do it" :duh:

jamjars wrote:Also, for those of you that wouldn't get married in a church/christen your child, would you be godmother to a christened child? If so, is that not also a little hypocritical?

No way would I and I'd have no problem saying no. I seriously doubt I'll ever be asked though.

Christening your children...

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