Bridemaid ruined hen

galwaygirl84 · by **galwaygirl84** » Fri Apr 13, 2022 11:11 am

....

highbeam · by **highbeam** » Fri Apr 13, 2022 11:37 am

So sorry things went like that on your hen. I would meet up with her and see what she has to say. And then take a break from her for a week or two. Once heads cool off things might be ok. Tell her she needs to apologize to the other girls and also to your cbm as you don't need that kind of tension in the last few weeks before the wedding. Try not to dwell on it, don't let her ruin the build-up as she has already spoiled the hen. I wouldn't jump in straight away and tell her she can't be bridesmaid as it may make things even worse and cause more stress for you but make sure she understands that she cannot act like that on the wedding day and go with your gut.

cirquedesoliel · by **cirquedesoliel** » Fri Apr 13, 2022 11:50 am

tough decision ahead of you but the fact of the matter is do you want to give her the opportunity of making a show of herself on your big day!

Similiar thing happened to me but thank god she wasn't a BM! although my BM's could have handled it better!!! muppets!! but i just uninvited her from the wedding!!

now i know you cant uninvite her from the wedding as she is a relative but you can demote her to guest status! and tell her you just can't trust her and looking at the bigger picture its your day and you dont want her being all paranoid and attacking your guests!!!!

whatever you decide BEST of luck! its a horrible situation to be in adn im really sorry you find yourself in it!

i'm nearly married a year and I still havent spoken to the girl who ruined my hen night! all i want is an appology i meet her every day and i just walk by! hindsight is a Great thing and the stuff that i would do differently if i only had the opportunity!!!

galwaygirl84 · by **galwaygirl84** » Fri Apr 13, 2022 12:18 pm

Thanks girls.

Even if I do demote her to guest status, i still have the problem of do I find an alternative bridemaid or just stick with who I have? (I have 2 others)

My OH has 3 groomsmen and he thinks it would looks silly with an uneven number...
Was considering asking my OH's sister, but she was at the Hen, and my cousin also insulted her..she would prob be scared to do it in case she'd get a belt from her on the day or something!!! Don't want to put that sort of pressure/worry on her... its soooo confusing....

Nostress · by **Nostress** » Fri Apr 13, 2022 12:23 pm

Oh best of luck with your chat, it's terrible that your hen was ruined. It's meant to be a great day/weekend/week...

My OH has 3 groomsmen and he thinks it would looks silly with an uneven number...
Was considering asking my OH's sister

We are having 2 groomsmen and 1 bridesmaid. I wouldn't worry about it looking odd at all.
I could have asked people "to even up the numbers" but I didn't see the point, I asked who I wanted and if people think it looks odd. Tough.

Go with what you want, if you don't think you can trust her, ditch her.

Or else tell the hotel she is pregnant and to serve her non alcoholic wine (but quietly as she has not told anyone yet, so please don't mention it to her) :innocent:

Ellefun · by **Ellefun** » Fri Apr 13, 2022 12:29 pm

I wouldn't demote her as this could just fuel her drunken antics. If she is demoted she will bring it up on the big day and her paranoid ideas mightn't seem so paranoid. Plus other family members who didn't wotness her behaviour at your Hen could side with her and feel you over-reacted. Don't rock the boat. I know it's the principle of the thing but tread carefully. If someone who is on good terms with her could tactfully monitor her drink on the day and make saure she doesn't get sillly again that could help. Hopefully there isn't much more interaction needed between her and your CBM between now and the wedding. Just limit the potential for any more fallout as much as you can. Best of luck and hopefully she will cop on.

galwaygirl84 · by **galwaygirl84** » Fri Apr 13, 2022 12:34 pm

Unfortunately Ellefun, we have our hair & make up trials on coming up in a month, dress fitting and also a mini-hen (this is all on the one day)(for the older people likw my mum, aunts etc)...so they have all that day in close proximity...:(

Ellefun · by **Ellefun** » Fri Apr 13, 2022 12:50 pm

Well hopefully your CBM can be the bigger person and suck it up for the day. As much as she means well, if it's obvious she is still seething at her for spoiling things for you then it will lead to her (BM/couisn) getting stroppy. You'll have to decide can you get past it and not punish her. Hope her apologies were genuine and take it from there. Demotion will only drag the issue on and bring others into it. Others who not totally be sympathetic to you.

Mrs W · by **Mrs W** » Fri Apr 13, 2022 1:03 pm

I'd go and meet her and see what she has to say for herself.

If you demote her as BM then the whole family will know and it will make the day really awkward.
You will both spend the day being asked was she not meant to be BM etc and could be very uncomfortable for you both. You must be close enough to her to have asked her to be BM so maybe give her the benefit of the doubt, I know it was your hen but it was only one night. If its a thing she does every week then do demote her.

Has she been helpful up until this?

I was BM for my SIL and at her hen I only knew her and the other 2 BM's. There was a big group of friends that she went to school with and a few of them were put out that I was BM instead of them, they made smart remarks at me and comments about my brother too so I just went to bed early on the first night. I was trying to be friendly but they just werent interested. I was very upset over it.

I'm not saying it was the same thing but she may have felt left out if there were groups sticking together

by **bridesmaidzilla** » Fri Apr 13, 2022 1:15 pm

I agree with Ellefun, if you demote her to guest, there is the potential for a huge amount of gossip to go around, and stories can develop even more and get worse. If you can stomach it at all, leave her as BM.

I can understand why you would want to not have her as BM anymore though, its very disappointing.

candlequeen · by **candlequeen** » Fri Apr 13, 2022 8:27 pm

Go to her, tell her it's your day, you do not want any drama, and if she is any kind of a friend she will snap out of it and be there for you on the day. Don't pore over what happened - just be firm and frank with her, tell her you asked her to be a Bridesmaid for a reason, you don't want to hear any more about what happened on the hen, leave that in the past, you don't need stress. Don't let her call the shots - tell her straight out that you need a supportive Bridesmaid from now on and that there better not be a repeat performance at the wedding. If drink doesn't agree with her then perhaps she should take it easy on it.

God love you I really feel for you, I could see this happening a mile off if I was having a hen.

Momster · by **Momster** » Tue Apr 17, 2022 9:31 am

i wouldn't demote her.

i would go and talk to her, tell her how you feel, let her apologise and grovel and then tell her in no uncertain terms that she has to apologise to the others and that she is not to drink under any circumstances on the day itself therefore smoothing over the CBM issue, getting it off your chest and ensuring she doesn't mess up your wedding by being drunk again.

as someone mentioned you could only make things worse by unasking her - she should go and get totally trashed at the wedding itself. at least by making her not drink for one day you wil have control of the situation. demoting her could cast a pall over the whole day and make things worse instead of better.

mabe have CBM meet you after your chat with her so she can reinforce your points.

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