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the one?

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the one?

Postby sumday » Wed May 02, 2022 2:44 pm

Ladies, First time on this and thought i'd register because I need a bit of advice.
So here is my story: I met a guy wait for this... in australia 5 years ago, he was the first guy I had any bit of interest since my ex anyway so I met this lovely fella through sport (which I love and he loves) anyway it was just the one yr working visa thing so I moved on from where we met and eventually left oz. Fast forward 5 years to xmas just gone and he is home and we meet up again. All those feeling are still there etc. anyway he heads bak to oz and we are literally texting everyday. Like he wil ask how was your day, what did you do and tell me all about his day, he rems everything I say, things i said im doing etc. and asks me about it... anyway thing is i'm mad about him and i know he feels the same way but he is there and im here :weep... I just dont even know what i want advice on, maybe someone to tell me cop on and stop dreaming like this guy is in australia and i have a great job here but all my friends are married etc. so whats for me here? I guess im hoping for a majority of Go for it, get ur visa sorted and go get ur man, or either a few cop ons, he is at the other side of the world, shur you'll meet someone here and forget about him..... :weep
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Re: the one?

Postby Ellefun » Wed May 02, 2022 2:56 pm

I wouldn't apply for a Visa on the strength of your feelings for this guy... Just be straight with him and ask him does he see it going anywhere. Are the feelings mutual? Go over there on holidays maybe. But do not uproot your life on the chance that it might work out between ye. That's a lot of mileage for a might. Even if he says the feelings are mutual, be sure that you want to be the one to go to him. Is this ex from five years ago worth leaving your job and friends for? It's a shame but the distance thing makes it harder and puts pressure on you both to know instantly. Otherwise you could resent him if you uproot your life to be with him and thinsg fizzle out. It seems like it would be getting very serious very quickly. Moving across the world to be with a guy you haven't been in a relationship with for five years. Too big a gamble for me anyway. Foolhardy.
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Re: the one?

Postby sumday » Wed May 02, 2022 3:00 pm

yeah that makes complete sense and is definitely what I am worried about.. I think maybe I should just put it out of my head for now and cut back on the daily texing because its making me want to be with him more knowing that I cant be and its a huge huge gamble and risk and one im not sure im willing to make all of a sudden. :action32 thanks :)
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Re: the one?

Postby niftythrifty » Thu May 03, 2022 8:48 am

It might be just a case that you want what you can't have?
Sometimes when you think back on an old relationship, you can gloss over the bad parts and only remember the good. Maybe there is a reason why you never bothered keeping contact in the five years which have passed? It is easy to get carried away with the idea of running away to live happily ever after but take your time to think about things
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Re: the one?

Postby lulu126 » Thu May 03, 2022 12:05 pm

+1 to Ellefun's advice.

I was in 2 long distance relationships, one for over a year and it's very easy to get caught up in the romance of them because there's none of the reality of everyday life involved. When you see each other it's incredible because it's so intense but the reality is that you're leading 2 separate lives and you need to be 100 per cent certain that you can accomodate each other in them before moving forwards with anything and you need to know that he's 100 per cent on the same page as you. Personally, as a veteran of the long distance relationship, I think you should only ever emigrate for yourself, never for someone else.
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Re: the one?

Postby corkiegirl » Thu May 03, 2022 1:24 pm

A few months ago I would have completely said "Go for it!" I know a fella who went over to Oz for three weeks, met a local girl on a night out. Saw each other a few times and then he headed home. A year after the holiday, having only ever seen each other a few times on that holiday, she turned up and moved in with him, much to his friends' surprise. They'd kept their long distance relationship and their arrangements to move in together quiet. What a massive gamble for her! She moved to the other side of the world for a man she'd only met a few times, a whole year previously. Well it's now a few years later, it worked, and they are gorgeous together, so in love. But obviously they will always have the big problem of one of them being at the other side of the world from their family and friends. I think it's a fairytale love. It makes me happy just to think about the chance they took and how it worked out for them. They are made for each other. Restores my faith in fate and love and all things good.

Now a few months ago, a friend of mine met a local guy who had been living in Oz for 10 years. He was back home for Christmas. They saw each other a lot over the three weeks and then he went back to Oz. He was home a few weeks and they were texting and talking everyday. They decided it was the real deal so he moved over. Now, a few months later things are over. She is devastated. He is here without a job, home, car, good weather(!) etc and I think all this probably contributed to their break up.

I'm not sure if I think that you shouldn't take a chance but just give it time first. They rushed it. Have a long distance relationship first, hard as it is to do that and be patient. It's better than to take a risk and it all fall apart.
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Re: the one?

Postby brideorbridezilla » Fri May 04, 2022 11:17 am

Seems to me that you are fed up with your life here anyway. Be straight with him, ask about the future. If you think there is anything in it, go on holidays (although this will also be rose tinted). You only live once, worst case senario you go over there and break up and you come home... what did you lose nothing, possibly a bit embarassing. I say go for it, not just for him but for you, if you feel like your at a dead end at the moment give it a go. Good luck whatever decision you make x
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Re: the one?

Postby sumday » Wed May 09, 2022 1:29 pm

hey all, thanks for all the great advice. I have decided to put this idea of going to australia out of my head for a bit and concentrate of things here, i.e. getting own place which i have been hoping for for the last few years.. I am at a bit of a crossroads in my life where I was thinking well what have i done the last few years but I can answer that now by saying I got over a horrible relationship that took every piece of my heart and this guy in australia was the next guy I let into my heart since that toxic relationship so i think i was clinging to the hope that there was something there worth persuing, and on second thoughts I am not travelling half way across the world for any man I am going to concentrate on the great things I have here, work, friends etc and focus on me for now .... :wv
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