please help - husband been sleeping with prostitutes

by **heartbroken today** » Sat Apr 14, 2022 5:08 pm

i am a regular user of the site but am logging in as a new user as i do not want to be recognised.

i picked my husband's mobile this morning. texts to a guy clearly arranging for a prostitute on thursday evening. was devastated. :o(

confronted him. all true, he has done it three times in last three months. he cant explain what came over him. he is sorry and wants to make our marriage work - says he will do whatever it takes.

we have spend the whole day crying and talking. he says he loves me as much as ever and is begging me not to leave him.

my insticnt was that our marriage (5 years) has to be over, i feel so betrayed. of course he understands how i feel, and he says its not an excuse, nor does it justify it, but it was "just" sex, just a 10 minute thing.

we have a two year old.

please help, i cant talk to anyone i know about this - my friends and family would be so judgmental if i ended up staying with him. has anyone else been in this situation?

bazinga · by **bazinga** » Sat Apr 14, 2022 5:44 pm

Was he safe? He should get tested regardless as he may have got something which in turn, could have been given to you.

If you think you can't forgive him at all, say goodbye now. Separate before the bitterness that will inevitably come if you continue to live side by side with him. Your son does not deserve an atmosphere, so make him leave now so you can work through this now, while your son is young enough to not fully understand what is happening.

If you think you can forgive him, you need counselling together, and him alone. Why is he going to prostitutes/is it just a fetish/has it only been the 3 times? All explanations you deserve. If you forgive him and you work through this - will you be able to forget?

I can't begin to think how you are feeling, and I am sorry you have found yourself in this position. But if you think you can forgive him and that you can together salvage your marriage then fúck what other people think. If you can't forgive him - then get rid as soon as.

I would arrange tests ASAP.

by **new start** » Sat Apr 14, 2022 6:23 pm

i couldn't read and not reply. A few months ago I thought I was in the same position as you. Saw texts that OH had sent, found a phone that I didn't know he had.... long story short he never actually did anything just spoke about it and fantisied. Anyway I remember so vividly that feeling in my stomach thinking that my marriage was over and how was I going to explain this to people. We did move on. But it was so hard and that was without him actually physically cheating. If you decide to stay please know that it will be tough. You will try to move on but it will come up in arguments and you will resent him. You have to be prepared to accept it. I realsied that we would never move on if I didn't let go of my anger. It's not easy. Our sex life has been very hit and miss since. I haven't moved completely on. You can't just snap your fingeres and forget.

Sorry I'm rambling and not much help. I suppose what I'm trying to say is you will have so many emotions. if you decide to stay, take the time to make sure your ok with it. don't be hasty
:xox

by **heartbroken today** » Sun Apr 15, 2022 8:07 am

thank you both so much for taking the time to reply.

as to whether he was safe, i did ask him this and he swears that he used condoms and was fully safe.

i think i might be able to forgive him in time, but counselling is something that we will definitely need.

yes i realise that moving on will be very very tough and take a lot of time. I want to at least give it a go. I'm so heartbroken right now. :o(

again thank you for replying, you may have thought that you werent much help but actually the suggestions & thoughts have been really useful

micls · by **micls** » Sun Apr 15, 2022 8:14 am

Basically just wanted to say that Bazinga's advice is spot on. I'd follow that as much as possible.

Even if he says he took precautions, he might not realise all the risks e.g. did they use protection during oral sex. I'm sorry to mention specifics like that, I know it must be hard to read but your health has to be the number one concern.

mrsbo · by **mrsbo** » Sun Apr 15, 2022 9:26 am

So sorry to hear read this, you poor thing

I agree with all the above posts but would go further on the health front and would respectfully advise you that you both need to get tested for STDs , especially Hepatitis and HIV ......a Wellwoman clinic , your local GP, or a GUI clinic( usually walk in ) at your nearest large hospital will do all these tests
or here is a link that may help
http://www.stdclinics.ie/

None of this is easy but you have to make your health a priority, and he will also need to be tested especially if you plan to stay together.

Take care and mind yourself. I would advise you to talk to a consellor sooner rather than later, especially as you cannot/dont want to share this with family/friends

by **heartbroken today** » Sun Apr 15, 2022 3:40 pm

thanks so much for the advice - i am going to do as you say and get us both tested for everything; and also get counselling arranged asap

2bmrsc · by **2bmrsc** » Tue Apr 17, 2022 9:43 am

I am in shock here reading this with my hand over my mouth,cant speak,I dont know how you are feeling at all and cannot imagine at all,I just wanted to give you a HUGE hug and hope no matter what path you take it works out,You do deserve more respect though than he has been giving you,How would he feel if you had done it??just a huge hug for you,,,xxxx

me julie · by **me julie** » Wed Apr 18, 2022 3:50 pm

i FEEL VERY BAD FOR YOU BUT i WOULDNT MAKE ANY RASH DECISIONS. tHINK IT OUT AND KEEP TALKING THATS MOST IMPORTANT. kEEP YOUR SON IN MIND AND DECIDE WHAT YOU WANT FOR YOU AND HIM HOPE IT WORKS OUT FOR YOU.

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