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Wow Cathy... this must be all very tough on you. I went through a similar thing myself 2 years ago, so know what you might be going through.

If you are anything like I was regardless of what anyone says to you you will feel no better... sorry if this doesn't help much but you have to work through the pain, hurt and upset - this will all make you stronger and is an evil but necessary process.

I thought at the time that my life was over, I felt humiliated that I had allowed myself to get into this kind of situation.

In my situation there was no possibility of a reconciliation, he ended the relationship and that was it. I was devastated.

An amazing thing happened though. My whole life changed. Very much so for the better. And it was all down to my hair dresser.

I was suicial at the time, my parents wouldn't leave me alone for a moment and soon after the breakup my 17 year old brother who probably saved my life treated my to a wash and blow dry. As he worked in the hair dressers my stlyist already new the story before I got there.

She told me, rather blunty, I had two options: 1. Go home and slit my wrists and be done with it, that they would have a lovely service, say lovely things about me or 2 pick myself up, ask him was there any chance of a reconciliation - if not to get his things out of the apartment and to move on.

The second one I went with. And I have never looked back. My life is now totally different! I have a new career, brand new house and new fiance.

All this happened 5 days after the breakup. (the wash & blow dry that is!)

You need to decide on what it is you want. If you want to be with him then you have to make it work - bearing in mind that at any point there may be the possibility of him ending it, while I don't know him or you, if he has had an affair ( and you didn't have an open relationship) and has cancelled your wedding 3 weeks to go the likihood is that he is not the man for you.

Life can be too short to wait around for someone to get there ass in gear. You know you want children and a man by your side. At 32 you still have plenty of time to find them... after a 9 year relationship it is time to focus on you!

My advice to you is - put yourself first! What do you want? ( Please remember that while you might want him - it may not be a realistic option for you!)

Things a tough and hard right now but they will get better - I promise.

I hope this has helped - if not I am sorry.

If you ever need to talk ( i know how dark things are at he moment) just PM.

Wishing you all the best and sending out a big hug.

Lady.

Oh Cathy, my heart goes out to you. I don't really know what to say, as nothing anyone says will make you feel better. But for what its worth, I think you deserve better then a man who cheats on you, calls of your wedding, and is treating you really badly. I know you feel like your running out of time to meet someone else and have kids, bit you're really not. You could meet someone else really wonderful tomorrow. You deserve to be happy. I hope it all works out for you

God love you - i think leave tho - you are still young - there are plenty more Good Men out there - leave

God Cathy don't know what to say. I hope all works out for you, but I think you know deep down that you need to leave. You called him your ex.

Anyone who can treat you like that does not deserve you.

Good luck babes.

You should leave how can you ever trust him again , he really doesnt deserve a nice girl like yourself.its awful the way he is treating you and has treated you. I would imagine it would be very hard to even like or respect him now. My sister had a similar situation to your own a while back and went on to meet a great guy who is now her husband, You should give yourself a chance to find true happiness with someone who deserves you and not stay just because of age or fear of not meeting someone.
Surround yourself with the people who love you eg your family and go for it .
Good luck

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Sorry to butt in on post but I was just wondering by any chance did your ex go to Greece for a week's holidays after dropping the bombshell? My sister met a guy in Greece who had just called off his wedding after 9 years with the girl. He was on his own so he kinda latched on to my sister and cousin. I know it's a long shot but Ireland is a small place!

Hi Cathy

My heart goes out to you- what an awful situation. It seems to me the man has little respect for you-
-he has an affair
-if he calls off the wedding 3 weeks prior
-happily tells you that his family doesnt like you (and then doesnt see how thats upsetting -WTF?)
-treating you bad mentally
-talking about a 6m break

...I'm not meaning to sound harsh as I know the sickening feeling that goes with these situatuons, but surely you know you deserve better treatment than this? If it was one of your girlfriends you'd be swinging for him... Just take lots of care of you, maybe have a weekend away if you can with some friends that you trust and just have a breather.

Lots of hugs! :lol:

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Really sorry to hear what you are going through Cathy,

I was married for quite a few years and it ended out of the blue..

But...you never know whats ahead of you. I met the most wonderful guy and I am very happy now.

I think that if you have been together for 9 years your guy should now know what he wants and you both need a totally honest conversation about the future

..I know how upset you must be but think about it this way..you still have your whole life ahead of you..and plenty of good things to come.

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No matter what happens.. be strong and yeah that was just right not seeing him after the split so it will be easier for you to move on

Hi Cathy,

Oh you poor thing. Im sorry to hear it has gotten to this stage. When I read about him saying he wanted a break, and thinking about what he wanted- it took me back to my last relationship. I wanted to make things work (also for us the spark had died) and was prepared to ride out the tough times as we'd been together over 5yrs and I thought that you did that when you were committed... but the 'break' was really time for him to prepare to break up with me. That might not happen with you, but just as a warning.

There isnt much advice I can give you about surviving this, but remember that you were prepared to work on it, and if he isnt then there is nothing you can do about that - sad but true. And GOOD FOR YOU demanding no contact, it really is the best option. It certainly doesnt make it less apinfull, but it decreases the unneccessary pain caused by dragging things out. It will give you the headspace to think about you and what YOU want. be your own best friend for a while, surround yourself with good friends (and good chocolate of course)

Hi Cathy,

Thats some good advise Lady has given. There is no quick fix to this as I'm sure you know. You have to just work through the pain and it will get a little easier each day. It sounds to me like he wants a 6 month break so that if things dont work out for him he has someone to fall back on (sorry if that sounds harsh). Hes using you as a safety net. If he really loved you he wouldnt want a 6 month break in the first place. 2 weeks maybe but not 6 months.

I think you need to take control of you life and end things. If you were meant to be together things would not have gotten this bad.

Maybe start spending more time with your friends and going out more. Phase him out of your life and over the next few weeks when you have filled up your time with other things, tell him you want to end it.

I dont know if this has helped at all & I hope things work out for you. Anytime you feel bad just come on here, theres always someone to chat to.
x