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i am becoming FED UP with this never ending thread. BRICK WALLS etc For gods sake confront him ! you are being completely immature about this . get a hold of yourself , pluck up the courage woman and talk about it. MONITORING it is insane. what happened in past text messages happened. if he is unfaithful, him not texting lately, doesnt make everything ROSY .

get a grip on yourself . this is your future husband. your wedding is less than 7 months away . this is SERIOUS. you cant marry someone you cant trust . what basis for a marriage is that ? get it sorted - the longer this uncertainty drags on the wedding date draws closer and closer - you could be in a very pressurised lonely place the nearer it gets.

BE AN ADULT - do it for yourself. by dithering you are losing self respect. if your h2b is being unfaithful he has absolutely no respect for you or your relationship . FIND OUT and move on


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Jenny, without getting into specific details re my life, I have seen people suffer and I myself have been through a lot in my 30 years on this planet. I have friends who have suffered depression and friends who have suicided. I have had friends who threaten suicide and are clinically depressed. Being Irish means that we all have been through or know someone who has somehow been touched by depression. So yes I have seen others suffer and have full empathy for them.

However my "beef" with Monaghan is that she does not seem to want to do anything about her situation. Only she can change it and only she is responsible, solely responsible, for how her life turns out. Choosing to ignore a problem that could ruin her marriage is behaviour I abhor. Why not deal with it now rather than getting into a marriage and then a messy divorce? Does she like to play the victim?

She has control over this, her husband may or may not be shagging around but she has control over kicking him out and sorting out her life. I will give her the benefit of the doubt and assume she had no idea he was like this (if indeed he is a two timer, that has yet to be proven) when they got together. But to put up with it after they got together is to be condemned. Does she just want someone to magically step in and make her life perfect?

Again I point out that people need to take responsibility for themselves and the choices they make. I am sick of victims whining on and on yet making no attempt to rectify their situation. If I am hard on her it is because I know the misery she is enduring and cannot stand to see her just put up with it when it is so easy to just confront him.

Hi monaghanbride�.I get a pain when I read your type of post as this is what happened to me for over a year. I left my ex after being nine years together and eventually realizing that I was fooling myself that I could ever trust this man again.
He was texting a close friend of ours a lot and initially they were jokes that never gave me cause for worry as he used to forward them on to me. Then I started noticing his mobile bills were getting really high and I had a look at them. I couldn�t believe the length of the calls to her number as he was not a talker generally to anyone. I pushed the thoughts to the back of my mind as I didn�t want to think that anything might be going on. I was in complete denial for 12 months. It got to a stage where I was obsessed with checking his bills and not asking him about them. I was sick inside and put on this image that everything was great. In reality when I look back I was a mess�I was bitchy all the time and very bitter with everything and this was because I was been eaten inside by the anguish and stress that the secrecy was causing.
I then started checking his phone when he went into the shower as this was the only time it was out of his sight. Even though I saw the texts that were tearing my relationship apart before my eyes I still denied that he would do this to me. They were having a full on relationship but I was afraid to lose him and afraid of the truth.
It got out of control to the point that he bought her a gift of a handmade chain (that I admired) on our holidays and that was the final straw. I bumped into her wearing it and that was the day my life changed forever. I went home and packed and waited for him to come home. I told him very calmly that it was over and spoke for about 2 hours about the 12 months of pain and anguish I had gone through. I left the next day.
I was a coward as I was afraid of the truth. I wanted it to be lies but it wasn�t. I am sure you are stressed to the hilt with this and you can only decide for yourself if you want to try to fix it. I still cannot believe that I ignored it for so long but it is not going to go away. Please please do something now about this.
Sit down with him and just tell him that you know. Don�t tell him how, just tell him you want the truth and want to know where the future lies for your relationship. If he starts denying it politely ask him to treat you with some respect and stop the lies. Ask him to hand over his phone if he has nothing to hide�.good luck with whatever you decide to do but deal with it now.
Sorry this is so long�.