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I feel terrible... My poor h2b and his family are at each other's throats .

Basically h2b feels very hard done by and feels like he's over looked. He had one too many drinks at the weekend and blurted out the truth. He really vented at his parents. It's a deep rooted problem and now he's opened a can of worms. His parents were so upset by the argument that they couldn't even speak. His brother has tried to mediate and came to see h2b last night to talk things through. I had been trying to get h2b to apologise to his parents for upsetting them but he wouldn't. Eventually with help of his brother he rang last night and apologised. They wouldn't really accept it but kept saying that they didn't want to talk about it.

Now h2b is really down in himself and feels like he's ripped his whole family apart. He does have a point in what he said but it was just the way in which he went about putting that message across.

so really I think no one is on speaking terms now maybe h2b and his bro but not his parents or other bro.

I hate seeing h2b so unhappy and feel totally helpless.

What do we do?

Buffygirl,

Pretty much the same thing happened with my DH. We were at a family get together and a few drinks were had and he let rip on his parents about things that went on when he was growing up etc.. it was stuff he had held inside for years and years. His parents were stunned and upset for a while (brothers and sisters also got involved), but eventually we invited them to our house and DH sat down with them and explained how he felt and why he had acted the way he had (basically that he had held it in for so long it just had to come out).

His parents were ok after that. DH still sometimes regrets what he did, but at the end of the day it had to be said because it was eating him up inside for years.

Don't know if that helps, but it's well behind us now and him & his parents have a better, more open relationship now.

Hope things turn out ok for you.

It's better for him although not now but in the future to let it all out.Whats it going to achieve keeping it all to himself.
Fair enough his parents are upset but its obviously a serious issue and him saying sorry won't change that...the problem is still there..
He should have a proper chat with them sober explaining how he feels

maybe it was for the best in the long run- if there were things he needed to say... it will sort itself out, give it time and just be there for him

Thanks girls.

He's still really upset about it. I rang his SIL last night and had a good chat with her. Smoothed a few things over so that at least some people are on speaking terms. Basically she arranged for us to go to his parents house this evening for his brother's birthday. I've asked him to buy a bunch of flowers to apologise to his mam. He still stands by what he said but realises that it was done in the worst possible way.

I've tried to explain to him that life is too short to hold these type of grudges and that he would be the first person in the world to be utterly devastated if anything happened to his mother in the morning. He'd never forgive himself. He sort of sees my point now but eventually after a bit of cajolling (sp) from me I got him to ring his parents again last night just to let them know we'd be there tonight and to say hello. His Dad answered, seemed fine with him but his mother wouldn't speak to him on the phone.

The woman, personally, I think has a few issues. When he was about 9 years old she stopped speaking to him for about a month. No reason, nothing. It was like he didn't exist. I asked him if he'd done anything to warrant that but he said nothing, he was 9 years old for God's sake.

Anyway, hopefully tonight will go ok. I'm just really worried about h2b. He said to me last night as we were going to sleep "I just feel like my life if slipping through my hands, you're the only thing that's going right for me at the moment". He's having loads of trouble in work, is really stressed about the wedding coming up and there are a few other things going on for him at the moment that would worry anyone.

I just hope everything works out.

Thanks for your advice though girls, I appreciate it.

Hope things go ok tonight buffygirl. I'm sure it'll all blow over, what's done is done. Your h2b sounds like he's going through a real rough patch at the moment, I'm sure he'll pull through it and sort out what's bothering him.

By way of update... h2b is refusing to go. He thinks if he does there will be a huge row, even bigger than the last time. He says he thinks it's best if he stays away.

This is terrible. I really am at a loss to know what I'm supposed to do.

Buffygirl,

The only thing you can do is support him as much as possible and hope that when a little time passes and people have cooled off that the situation will gradually resolve itself. Try to keep it positive - I know it's hard but at the end of the day I always say (probably annoying I know) but what's the worst that can happen? His family are annoyed at the moment and your h2b is too, but it won't last forever.

Maybe other areas of his life need to settle before he can tackle this issue - I really think a little time and space will help.



Try not to get too stressed and best of luck.

Yeah Clucky I know. She was terrible to him when they were growing up.

His brothers got put in the best of clothes, all the labels etc. He got left with nothing especially at christmas. IT was totally a case of favouritism.

as a teenager, when he was working in the summer part time he used to hand half his money up to his mam and then with teh other half paid for his school unitform and some books. His other brothers when they were in the same boat didn't have to pay a penny for anything.

She's a lula... I am soooo annoyed with her and would love to give her a good slap and tell her what I really think about her..

Hi sounds like a very similar situation as with my DH and his mother ..... last year she stopped speaking to him because he had a tiff with his sister!! It was just after we moved house and in the run up to our wedding and both her & the sister said they weren't going to the wedding ets. It went on for 7 mths and we cancelled our wedding as he was so stressed by the whole thing.

All I can say is keep out of it for now, take a back seat and let time do it's thing, they will sort it out but it sounds like your H2B is still quite raw and het up so having a little space is probably not a bad idea. Be supportive and yes do try and talk him around - I was furious with DH's mother and secretly couldn't have cared less if she had fallen off the face of the earth but DH was so upset, lost weight etc and I couldn't bear to watch so I did everything I could to get him talking to her even though every time he went around she shut the door on him. It was a dreadful time but they patched things up and everything is back to normal (or what passes for normal in that family) so have hope things will work themselves out allright in the end.

Thanks amck.... I think I will have to just bite my tongue for the moment and see what comes of it.

Problem is that she's trying to turn the rest of h2b's family against him and I can see how she's being successful... she's a spiteful auld wench... sorry for ranting but that felt good.....

Well keep the lines of communication open with other family members like his sister and his Dad and make sure H2B does the same then at least he has a foot in the door so to speak ........

Honestly aren't people weird?

weird isn't the word!!